Step by Step Parenting

I’ve always LOVED celebrating New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day. It’s such a good time to reflect on what you’ve accomplished, what you’ve learned, and what you want from the upcoming year. There are some people who hate New Year’s resolutions… I am not one of those people! After a rollercoaster of a year, I have grown and learned more than I ever have before.

I went into 2018 heartbroken and confused. I had lost two friends recently (one to suicide, one to a brain hemorrhage), graduated from high school before most of my friends, and, as I’m sure you know by now, moved very, VERY far away from home by myself.

But 2018 brought me so much more joy than I could have ever imagined! Despite all of the trials and hardships, I was blessed with amazing friends to help me through it all, and fantastic opportunities to motivate me along the way. A year that started off as being one of my worst, ended up being one of the best.

So without further ado, here’s a list of cliche things I learned this year, and how I applied them to my life!

1. The only thing standing in your way is *YOU*

I feel like everyone has a tendency to limit themselves and give themselves “expiration dates”- “I can do [insert task here] until I’m [insert age here] years old,” or “I can’t do [insert task here] until I’m [insert age here] years old.” A few of mine were “I’ll deal with my mental health once the semester is over,” and “I can’t keep writing once I start school,” and “I can’t get in a relationship until I’m out of school,” and”I can’t travel once I have a job.”

And SO many more!! Does anyone else do this too? Put limits on your own progression? It can be such a hard habit to realize you have, and an even harder one to break. I remember the first time it hit me that I was getting in the way of my own success- the conversation went something like this:

Me: I’ve written all of these poems, I just wish I could publish them.

Friend: Well, then do it!

Me: But I can’t, I don’t know how.

Friend: Just self-publish!

Me: But no one will buy it.

Friend: Sure they will!

Me: But no one will like it.

Friend: Sure they will!

Me: But my poems probably aren’t good enough anyways.

Friend: Yes they are!

Me: But I probably don’t have time.

Friend: Then make some time!

But, despite the limits I made up in my head, a year later, this happened:

I did indeed publish that book. I’m not a bestselling author, I didn’t become famous overnight, but you know what? It was one of my proudest accomplishments of the year. Because I. Did. It! I had convinced myself that I couldn’t do it, that it was a waste of time. And we do that for a LOT of things!

Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that you’ll never be a straight-A student. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that no one will ever love you. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that you’ll never get that dream job, or commit to your fitness plan, or afford that one vacation. And some of the times, you might be right. But the others?

You WILL be wrong!

Change takes time yes, and change takes commitment. But change also starts with you waking up one day and saying to yourself “Today is the day!”

I used to think those “waking up” moments didn’t matter, that I’d never remember them. But oh, I do. And even better, I remember how great it felt when that change payed off.

I remember dancing around the Chick-Fil-A parking lot after getting off work, at midnight, in the rain, screaming “I GOT ACCEPTED TO BYU HAWAII AND PROVO!!!!” into the void.

I remember sitting in the counseling office with my boyfriend, waiting to go to my therapy appointment, when my jaw dropped and my eyes teared up because I received an email that someone wanted to publish my story, someone else, in a national literary journal!

Those moments that at the time seemed so insignificant, mean so much to me now. So whatever your dreams are, whatever you’re stopping yourself from doing, make 2019 the year that you do those things. Don’t just make resolutions, chase them! Pursue them! Achieve them! Even if you run after your dreams with all your heart and don’t make it, you’ll be miles closer than you were when you started.

Now, my next little bit of advice that I learned from this past year!

2. No one cares about you

Yeah, yeah, your family cares, and your friends, and your significant other if you have one, and obviously your dog. But in this section, I’m just talking about the general public.

More specifically: those darn Instagram/Twitter followers!!

I feel like there are so many worries and “rules” attached to every social media platform. For Instagram, this might include having a cohesive feed, not overposting, but also not underposting, have funny/creative captions, but not fake captions, having a higher “followers” number than you do “following” number, and SO. MANY. MORE.

Now for some of you, this isn’t the case (and props to you), but for most of us, we’ve all struggled with this at one point or another. We’ve spent hours trying to come up with perfect caption, or the perfect edit to fit our manicured feed, or the perfect bio, or the perfect profile picture, or the perfect Instagrammable” outfit, or the perfect tweet, or… you get it.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but no one cares!!!

Know how you just mindlessly scroll through your feed and like every single picture, wait five minutes, and do it again? How you tap through all of your stories and don’t usually watch them all?

Everyone does that same thing to you, my friend.

If someone is bothered by your posting quantity, or thinks your captions are lame (which they aren’t), (1) they can unfollow you. But the amount of those people that care are so so sooo small compared to all of the people that just… don’t.

So let down your hair a little bit, relax! Post those cute selfies you took with your friend that don’t match your feed. Don’t sweat it if you post twice (or three, or more!) times in one day. When you look back on your social media in 20 years, you’re not going to pull up your NYE post and tell your kids “yessss ugh see how my outfit matches my feed? look at my caption, it’s so funny. omg it got 600 likes!”

NO!

It’ll probably be more like “I remember this night because me and my sister blasted Pitbull and danced around the kitchen while Mom and Dad were gone, and broke one of the champagne glasses, and had a great time!”

If you care about your feed, that’s cool! If you don’t, that’s cool too! If you post once a year, awesome! If you post five times a day, that’s awesome too! Just remember: no one else probably cares as much as you do. So just do whatever YOU want. And, a disclaimer… Instagram is just a highlight reel! Everyone’s best moments, staged moments, filtered moments. Don’t forget that the next time you compare yourself to other’s accounts. In the meantime, be you!!! Be happy!!! Live your life however you want, because it’s yours, and no one else’s!!! And most importantly, relax sometimes!!!

Basically, all of what I’ve learned from 2018 can be summarized into this:

Focus on living moments and finding moments.

Not running from them, not Instagramming them, and certainly not preventing them, but…

embracing them!

Happy 2019 everyone- have fun this year, chase the good times, and learn from the rest : )

Best wishes and aloha,

Megan D. Eldredge