Today is a big day: it’s the eve of a new beginning, the day before my family and I enter what just might be the craziest and most stressful few months yet.
Three of our kids are in schools in two different counties. I start my final semester of law school tomorrow. The twins are growing like weeds. My husband is either getting home from work at 11 o’clock at night, or leaving at 5 o’clock in the morning. I am going to be attempting to study and free second I get, and soon, I’ll have to start studying for the bar. And oh yeah, I have to take — and pass — the bar… on the twins’ first birthdays. And somehow find a job during all of that so we’re not homeless by March. Doesn’t this all sound fun?!
The starting line is tomorrow. The finish line is somewhere on a beach next summer. My family and I will make it there, because we have to.
It won’t be easy. Far from it. It is going to require financial and logistical gymnastics like never before.
But we’ve made it through all of the hard seasons of life in the past, and we will make it through this.
So, let’s get to it!
This Week In Review
As I mentioned in last week’s newsletter, I’ve been in a bit of a postpartum slump lately. I don’t know whether to attribute it to weaning, actual postpartum depression, or something else, but it has not been fun.
In an effort to start this week off on the right foot, I decided to pull out all of my fall decorations. Yes, I know… it’s still August. But I just needed my home to feel extra cozy and for my life to have as much joy as possible, ok? So the pumpkins and fake foliage and ceramic forest animals came out on Sunday. I make no apologies.
I had also ordered some magnesium gummies the week prior in order to try and help my newfound insomnia, and they finally arrived at the beginning of this week. Wow, what a difference they made! Thanks to these little berry-flavored magnesium gummy bears from Amazon, I was finally able to sleep longer than four hours at a time. I literally felt like a new person.
Between the fall decor, the gummies, the homemade pumpkin bread I whipped up at the beginning of the week, and the general cuteness overload that comes from having two twin babies in the house, this week started off much better than the last.
Monday was the first day of school for Kennedy and Thomas (Eloisa started two weeks before). Kennedy is heading into third grade, while Thomas is starting kindergarten. Kindergarten! I cried at least twice that day. He might not be my biological son, but I have been loving and helping to raise that little man since he was 2.5 years old, so sending him off to kindergarten tugged at my heartstrings. I don’t need to rant too much about it here, though, because you can read my whole article on it by clicking here.
The rest of the week was absolute chaos. I would leave with Eloisa every morning around 7:15am, drop her off at school, and then come home to finish getting ready for work. Kevin would load up the twins and Kennedy and Thomas in my car, and leave around 7:15am as well. However, since they go to school a county over, they had to drive thirty minutes there and another thirty minutes back. Kevin and the twins would usually rerun from there adventure around 8:30am, but fifteen or so minutes before I would take Kevin’s car to work.
I would leave work around 2:00pm to go pickup Eloisa from school, while Kevin would leave around the same time to spend another hour or so in the car with the twins picking up Kennedy and Thomas. I would get home around 3:00pm or 3:15pm, and Kevin would come flying in at 3:30pm on a good day — which is only fifteen minutes before he needed to be leaving for work!
With all of the kids finally home, I would immediately start cooking dinner, just because with five kids, you never know how long that will take. I tried to hold down the fort every night and feed and bathe everyone by myself, while also making sure homework and chores were getting done. I struggled to fall asleep in an empty bed, but eventually would, and Kevin would get home from work around 10:45pm or 11:00pm.
Does that sound awful? Yeah, that’s because it is. By Thursday, I felt like I had barely seen my husband all week. The kids missed him, too, since they only saw him when he drove them to and from school. Friday was Eloisa’s birthday, and she got picked up from school by her dad, so I took advantage of the quiet evening and sent Kevin and Kennedy on a little daddy-daughter date night. It was well-needed by both of them, but especially Kennedy, and they had a great time together. One-on-one time with our older kids has been hard to come by ever since the twins were born, so we’re trying to do better to prioritize it going forward.
Like I just mentioned, Friday was Eloisa’s birthday. She turned six years old, which is still so hard to believe. In some ways, I don’t feel old enough to have a six-year-old, but in other ways, I can’t believe that I’ve been a mom for only six years.
Her birthday morning started with pancakes for breakfast and opening all of her presents with us. Her dad and I brought mini cupcakes to her first grade class during lunch, where we all sang to her and Eloisa just had a blast. Her dad then picked her up from school at the end of her school day, and she spent the night with him until we all reconvened at her birthday party the next day.
I woke up on the morning of her birthday party in a panic. I hadn’t connected the dots that with my husband at work (because when he’s not working until 11:00pm, he’s leaving for work at 5:00am! Amazing!), I wouldn’t have any extra hands to help me with the twins. I felt ok wearing one of them, but then what was I supposed to do with the other one? Just leave her in the stroller? Ask all of the adult guests to play hot potato with the baby?
I ended up texting my younger sister and begging her to stay for the duration of the birthday party. She was in town only for a little bit, visiting from Utah where she attends college, so I knew her time was pretty limited. She thankfully agreed, and we were able to tag-team taking care of the twins while also celebrating Eloisa turning six. It was nice to get some extra time with my sister before she leaves until December, and Eloisa was super excited to see her!
It was a BUSY week for the twins! They are both basically fully crawling now. It’s not elegant, but they can get where they’re trying to go, and that’s enough to make this mom feel like her head’s on a swivel. I’ll look away for two minutes, to unload the dishwasher or start dinner, and I’ll find a baby in the kitchen or the hallway. I don’t even know how they move that fast! My mom ordered us a giant playpen, and I am counting down the days until it arrives.
This was also the first week we started solids with the girls! My camera roll is now flooded with photos and videos of them trying bananas, cucumbers, fried apples, watermelon, and toast for the first time. We are doing baby-led weaning, so it has been so fun to watch them try actual food!
Evelyn’s reaction was pretty much the same with every food! She would grimace and pull a face, gag, and try to yak it up. But eventually, slowly she would come around and explore the food a little bit more.
Eventually she came around, though, and found a few favorites. We fed Emersyn, too, don’t worry! She just didn’t scowl and try and spit up every single thing I fed her, so I didn’t snap as many pics.
By the end of the week, I was thoroughly burnt out and exhausted. With the start of my final semester looming around the corner, I was starting to feel lots of impending doom and dread about going back to school. Honestly, money has never been tighter, and I have no idea how we’re going to make it until March when I get bar results and can become a licensed attorney. I don’t even want to think about what will happen if I don’t pass.
I was thinking about all of this tonight, and feeling just the immense pressure of the situation, when I confided in my husband that I just wanted this season of life to end. I wanted to skip ahead, to March or May or August, when I would be hopefully working and bringing in an actual income. Then I wouldn’t have to stress about how to pay for cleanings at the dentist or the unexpected trip to the dry cleaners. Maybe we could even take a short trip to the beach!
But even though this season of life I’m currently in is hard, I know that to skip it would mean I’d miss out on so much. I would miss out on all of the twins’ baby days. Their first Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas. My law school graduation. Lots of birthdays and celebrations and countless memories with my family.
Most importantly, if I skipped ahead to easier days, I wouldn’t grow. As the famous poem says, “Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.”
Step by Step Parenting 