Step by Step Parenting

This Week in Review

It was so good to have all five of our kids under one roof again, but wow were we busy!

Kevin and I continue to work on opposite shifts, meaning that he leaves as soon as I get home around 3:00pm everyday, and then is gone until close to 11:00pm. Those afternoons and evenings where I’m solo parenting five kids are tough, but I’ve also become acutely aware that those are the nights I develop patience and capacity as a mom.

For example, I decided awhile back that this summer was going to be “casserole summer,” because I wanted to learn how to make a bunch of new easy dinners. When you’re feeding a small army, you really start to see the beauty in casseroles and crockpot meals. This week, I was able to make homemade dinner for my family every night that I was solo parenting, on top of managing pumping, laundry, dishes, feeding the twins, and everything else that comes with parenting five kids (our favorites were this enchilada casserole and this cornbread sloppy joes casserole). It wasn’t easy to do it all alone every single second, but it does get easier every single day. It’s like I’ve said before, your capacity really does grow as your family grows.

Your Capacity Grows As Your Family Grows

The five-year-olds had swim lessons every day this week, and by the end of week, they had already learned so much! Eloisa is much more comfortable getting her head underwater and swimming short distances on her own, and Thomas swam freestyle all the way across the pool, all by himself! He did amazing! He had a blast showing off his new skills by doing cannonballs into the deep end, and then swimming to the edge of the pool, getting out, and doing it again. I held my breath the entire time, of course, but I am so proud of both of them!

Once Eloisa saw how good Thomas was doing, she folded her arms and declared that she’s never going to be a good swimmer and she doesn’t want to swim anymore. With them being so close in age, things like this are a common occurrence. Her and I had a little pep talk about practice, working hard, not worrying about comparison, and being happy for other people’s accomplishments regardless. I’m not sure how much any of it stuck, but she did lighten up and return to her swim lesson.

As for the twins, they are still just moving and grooving! Evelyn has done really well with formula, Emersyn has been a little more skeptical. Which is funny, because the few times I’ve let them try foods (chocolate and bacon… can you tell these are kids number four and five?? lol), Evelyn has pulled such a nasty face, you’d think I was feeding her lemons, and Emersyn has been all on board. So who knows! It will be fun to start solids with them in a little over a month — their high chairs are supposed to arrive today!

Both of their personalities are continuing to shine through, and it continues to be so fun just to be able to watch that happen. Emersyn is almost always happy as a clam. She smiles as soon as you make it to her crib in the morning or after nap time, and at anyone who looks her way. She currently loves the feeling of scratching her fingers on different surfaces to find out what noise it will make, whether that’s the wicker diaper basket, the side of the pack-n-play, or the quilt she’s laying on for tummy time. If “Most Likely to Fall Asleep on the Floor” and “Most Likely to Fall Asleep In the Car” were superlatives — or really just “Most Likely to Fall Asleep Anywhere” — Emersyn would be the winner! She’s sooooo close to crawling, too, but I’m secretly hoping it takes her several more weeks to figure out. Mama isn’t ready.

Evelyn has been exploring her vocal range, to say the least. She loves to screech as loudly as she can, to the point that we call her our little pterodactyl. They’re happy screeches (usually) but man are they something! The best way to describe it is if Emersyn is this 🙂 then Evelyn is this :D. Just the biggest smile ever! Evelyn is currently in a phase where she beats her bottle the whole time she’s feeding? It gives the same vibes as a guy at a bar slamming down an empty glass and declaring, “Another!” It’s basically impossible to prop up her own bottle for her anymore, so I ended up holding her to feed and then propping Emersyn’s bottle up. And then I feel bad for always holding Evelyn, and not Emersyn. The same problem happens at nap time — Evelyn almost always has to be rocked to sleep, while Emersyn is happy to drift off on her own.

And then finally, I was asked to give a talk in church. I haven’t spoken in church in over ten years, so to say that I was nervous would be a bit of an understatement. I was asked to speak on the joy of a covenant relationship with God. When I first heard the topic, I thought, “Oh, perfect! That’s a great topic! I can definitely talk about that!”

Once I started actually preparing for the talk, however, I realized that I actually felt pretty ill-equipped to speak on the topic. Don’t get me wrong — as my husband can attest, I can and will talk about anything for any length of time. When I told him that I needed to talk for ten or more minutes, Kevin said, “Well that should be no problem for you!” And while he’s not wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that the more I thought about this topic, the more unqualified I felt to speak on it. What could I, someone who has spent most of the last decade away from the church, have to say about covenants?

I realized once I finished writing my talk, however, that I needed the experience of preparing the talk maybe more than anyone in the congregation needed to hear what I had to say. Although it’s been a year since I returned to church, I often feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I guess you could call it religious imposter syndrome. Sometimes, it feels like my knowledge of the gospel is very surface-level. I do my best to pray and read my scriptures, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about my thoughts or feelings with others.

Writing this talk, though, taught me (1) that I know more than I think I do, and (2) some new ways to deepen my own personal gospel study. So in lieu of my typical spiritually-minded Sunday essay, I wanted to share my talk, instead.

What Are “Covenants,” and Why Do I Need Them Anyways?

Good afternoon, brothers and sisters. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Megan Eldredge. My husband actually gave a talk a few weeks ago, so I will spare you all the long-winded introduction of our family and just give the short version:

We have five kids and a puppy, my husband is currently in school working towards a degree in accounting, and I’m currently a full-time law student at Elon University. As you can imagine, we stay pretty busy.

Today, I have been asked to speak on the joy of a covenant relationship with God. When I first heard the topic, I thought, “Oh, perfect! That’s a great topic! I can definitely talk about that!”

Once I started actually preparing for the talk, however, I realized that I actually felt pretty ill-equipped to speak on the topic. Don’t get me wrong — as my husband can attest, I can and will talk about anything for any length of time. When I told him that I needed to talk for ten or more minutes, Kevin said, “Well that should be no problem for you!” And while he’s not wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that the more I thought about this topic, the more unqualified I felt to speak on it. What could I, someone who has spent most of the last decade away from the church, have to say about covenants? With that being said, I guess a good place to begin would be with the short version of how I ended up here today.

My Story

I grew up a member of the church right here in North Carolina. In fact, I spent almost my whole life as a member of the Tanglewood Ward, up until around a year ago when my husband and I moved here into the Winston Ward. For most of my childhood, and all through high school, I honestly viewed church as a checklist of things to do: go to church on Sunday, go to youth activities every Wednesday, go to seminary early every morning, pray daily, read scriptures daily, etc. I shouldn’t have viewed it that way, but I did. I spent most of my teen years with one foot out the door, mentally.

Even so, I started college at Brigham Young University – Hawaii, thinking maybe I just needed a change of scenery. Also, I started college in January, so if your options are moving to Utah or Hawaii, can you blame me for choosing Hawaii?

Once I made it to Hawaii though, things got harder, not easier. Without the support of my family, and the ward I grew up in, I distanced myself even further from the church. I had always wanted to go to college and eventually grad school, with the end goal being to have a full-time career. All of this “extra” stuff — going to church, studying the gospel everyday, etc. — seemed like simply more tasks on an already full plate. I needed to be writing papers and reading for class and finding internships, not worrying about all of these other obligations. I couldn’t help but think that achieving my academic and career goals would be easier if I chopped my to-do list in half.

So I did. When I transferred out of BYU Hawaii in 2019, I stopped going to church entirely. I graduated college, worked several jobs, and started law school. It wasn’t until I was several semesters into law school that I realized although I had done it — I had accomplished, or was on my way to accomplish, most of my secular goals — I wasn’t fulfilled. I was happy, but not fulfilled.

To illustrate why this is, I’m going to share a story from one of my favorite TV shows of all times, Avatar: The Last Airbender. I would say sorry in advance for any spoilers, but in all fairness, the show first aired over twenty years ago.

In the show, there’s a character in the first season, a prince, who has been banished from the kingdom by his own father. His dad told him that he could never return to the kingdom or restore his rightful place on the throne unless he “captured the avatar.” The only problem was, no one had seen this avatar in one hundred years.

The whole first season, this prince is 100% determined and dedicated to this mission, and miraculously, he does it. He captures the avatar, and his father welcomes him back into the kingdom.

Sometime after that, the prince, his sister, and some of their friends are on vacation at this beautiful island. They are sitting around the fire one night, when the prince says something like this:

“I have everything I’ve ever wanted. My father has welcomed me back home, I am living in the palace again, I have restored my rightful place on the throne. This is everything I dreamed of for years. So why do I feel so angry all the time? Why aren’t I happy?”

The prince ends up realizing that although he was happy, he wasn’t fulfilled, and he didn’t feel fulfilled because he hadn’t done all those things because it’s what he wanted, but rather what someone else wanted.

I think about that scene from the show a lot. I know I’m not the only one who at some point, has looked around at their life, and said, “I have so many things I once wished for, why aren’t I more happy?”

Like the prince, I realized that I hadn’t found happiness inside or outside of the church because I hadn’t aligned my will with the Savior’s. When our will is aligned with the Savior’s will, following the gospel and keeping our covenants is not a chore, but a privilege. It becomes something we want to do, and once we want to make and keep sacred covenants, that is how we will find the joy in covenants.

What is a covenant?

Before worrying about how to find joy in having a covenant relationship with God, though, a good first step is understanding what a covenant is.

As I mentioned earlier, I am currently a law student. Much to my surprise, one of my favorite classes that I’ve taken so far has been Contracts. I won’t bore you all with the details of the class, but in very simple terms, that class taught us the three essential parts of a contract: offer, acceptance, and consideration. An offer is what sets the terms of the agreement. An acceptance is when the other party signifies that they are okay with the terms. And then there’s consideration which, for lack of better words, the “price” that the parties pay in order to make the contract legally binding. Usually, this is in the form of money, such as someone saying, “I will pay you $20,000 for this used car.” One party offered the car, and one party offered $20,000.

A covenant is not too different from a legal contract, but there are a few notable and significant differences. First, it is our Heavenly Father that makes the offer, and it is up to us to accept that offer. A covenant with the Lord involves us promising Heavenly Father certain things, and in turn, Him making promises to us, as well.

Thankfully, we don’t have to pay $20,000 in consideration to make these promises binding. Because of Jesus Christ and His atonement in Gethsemane, this price has already been paid. This is why you often see Christ referred to in the scriptures as Redeemer. Alone, we cannot pay the consideration needed to make sacred covenants with our Heavenly Father, but because of Christ, we are redeemed to a position where we are able to make covenants freely with our Father in heaven.

These covenants include our baptismal covenants. At baptism, we promise the Lord to bear one another’s burdens, to mourn with those that mourn, to comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as a witness of God at all times, and in all things, and in all places. In return, Heavenly Father promises to forgive us of our sins and give us the gift of the Holy Ghost, among other things. We have the opportunity to renew those covenants every Sunday when we partake of the sacrament, and to make further covenants with the Lord when we are endowed and sealed in the temple.

Why do we need covenants?

Once we understand what covenants are, it’s important to understand why we need covenants in the first place.

Covenants are essential for us to become like Jesus Christ and become worthy to enter the celestial kingdom. The process of keeping covenants strengthens our testimonies and faith in Christ, and keeping our covenants qualifies us to receive the blessings that God has promised us in return.

Doctrine & Covenants 90:24 has become one of my favorite scriptures in recent years. It says:

“Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if we walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.”

When I’ve read that verse, however, I always focused on the part that says, “all things shall work together for your good,” because that sounds pretty nice, doesn’t it? I had honestly never noticed the conditional clause at the end until I was preparing for this talk. Yes, it is true that because of our Heavenly Father, all things in this life shall work together for our good… IF we remember and keep our covenants.

How can we find joy in covenants?

So once we know what covenants are and why they matter, the real question becomes: how do we actually feel joy in them, rather than obligation? Once we understand what covenants are, and why we need them, it becomes infinitely easier to find the joy in our covenant relationships. President Emily Belle Freeman said in the October 2023 session of General Conference that:

“A covenant is not only about a contract, although that is important. It’s about a relationship.”

That “relationship” that President Freeman mentions is our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and that relationship is the joy.

In his talk, titled, “The Joy of a Covenant Relationship with God,” Elder Thierry K. Mutomno said,

“Our Heavenly Father’s plan for us is happiness now and joy forever in His presence. He gives us laws and commandments and makes covenants with us to bless us. His desire, purpose, and glory are to have us return to Him pure, having proven ourselves worthy of an eternity of joy in His presence.”

In that same talk, Elder Mutomno went on to say:

“We can grow in humility and strengthen our covenantal relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ if we change our nature to become like a child, building our life on the rock, who is the Savior Jesus Christ, yielding in faith in Him, responding to the Holy Ghost’s direction to faithfully keep the covenants made with the Lord at our baptism and in the house of the Lord.”

I know that our Heavenly Father does not give us covenants to burden us, but to bless us. Every covenant I have made — at baptism, and now working toward the temple — has drawn me closer to Him, not farther from the life I wanted to build. I used to think I had to choose between my goals and my faith. What I’ve since learned is that when I align my will with the Savior’s, I don’t have to choose. I get to have both, and I get to have joy in both.

I know this church is true, I know that Heavenly Father keeps His promises, and I’m grateful for the covenants that bind me to Him. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.