First off, I want to extend a warm welcome and a huge thank you to all of the new subscribers! Earlier this week, after a week-long hiatus from Facebook and Instagram, I hopped back on just to announce that I was permanently deleting both accounts, and that the only way to keep in touch with me going forward would be my cell phone number or subscribing to my Substack.
Listen, I know how “cringe” it is to be that person that’s announcing that they’re taking a break from social. This isn’t an airport, you don’t have to announce your departure!
But I’ve moved fourteen times since I turned eighteen eight years ago. I’ve moved to and from Hawaii multiple times, and all around the state of North Carolina. Additionally, my grandparents live in California and Utah, and I have family members in Illinois, Texas, and Oregon, as well as California and Utah. Even as a kid, my family moved around constantly. All of this to say, I have people I love all over the globe, and we live in a day and age where social media really is how I keep in touch with most of them.
Still, there’s a big difference between following someone on Instagram so that you’ll see their stories and posts on your feed, and subscribing to someone’s Substack so that you get their writing straight to your email inbox. To anyone who willingly signed up for that, it really, truly means a lot.
This Week in Review
This week was as busy as ever in the Eldredge household! It started off on Sunday when both twins were fast asleep right as we were supposed to be leaving for church. With our meeting time being at one o’clock in the afternoon, it’s always a gamble whether or not the twins will be awake. This week, I was bone-tired and not feeling up to the challenge of waking up two babies just to then try and sit quietly through the hour-long service. You just go by yourself, I told my husband, and next time this happens, I’ll go. He quickly threw on a suit and tie and was out the door, leaving me to pump in peace and then enjoy a nice long shower.
But then I heard a noise from upstairs, and by 1:07pm, the situation looked like this:
I couldn’t help but laugh. Obviously, I should have just gone to church, but how was I supposed to know they’d wake up so soon? I’m hoping at some point this summer, they start napping at more predictable times, but at the same time, they’re only four months old — if our world revolves around when they eat and sleep for the time being, within reason, I think that’s ok, too.
Emersyn has been trying her hardest to sit up lately, so I finally ordered a Bumbo seat and she is obsessed. Evelyn loves it, too, but Emersyn especially enjoys it. Both twins have also been working really hard to grab their own toys lately, and it’s been so cute to watch them try and grasp things and then, naturally, shove them straight in their mouths. They move so much, that I swear they’re crawling when I’m not looking, but I know they’re really just rolling and scooting all over the place!
I introduced the older kids to the magic of Crystal Light lemonade this week, and it blew their minds. Not to brag, but Kennedy (8yo) said it was the best lemonade she’s ever had, so I’m pretty proud of that.
Like I mentioned last week, my ex-husband and I came up with a weird, hodge-podge custody arrangement for the summer so that Eloisa (5yo) can make it to my brother’s wedding in a couple of weeks. This means that although this week would normally be “my week,” she’s with her dad, and by time I have her again, it will have been three weeks.
Obviously, I missed her, and my stepkids were very confused by her absence, so on Wednesday night I invited Eloisa and her dad over. The kids were overjoyed to be reunited, and Kennedy and Thomas (5yo) practically fought over her! It was the ego boost Eloisa definitely did not need.
When it came time for her to leave, she inevitably asked if she could have a sleepover. Her dad and I just exchanged shrugs, Eloisa declared she was staying for the night, and then, a moment happened that immediately melted my blended-family-mama heart:
Thomas instantly rushed forward to hug Eloisa because he was so excited, and Kennedy quickly joined in.
It was a sweet reminder of how much the kids love each other. After my ex left, I went upstairs with the kids, put them to bed, and they just laid in bed with my daughter and chatted with all three of them until they fell asleep. I couldn’t help but think, Hey, maybe I’m not doing so bad as a mom after all. Eloisa wrapping her arms around me and whispering, “Mommy, I love you” before she fell asleep was just the cherry on top.
My friend Sara came over on Thursday. Kevin switched his schedule earlier in the summer to working night shifts Monday through Thursday, and by Thursday I’m usually pretty burnt out from handling dinner, bath time, and bed time completely solo. It is incredibly difficult to squeeze in pumping sessions during all of the chaos, so I always appreciate when there’s another adult there who can watch the kids long enough for me to pump. The kids were thrilled to see Sara, my dog was even more excited to see her, I was able to pump on schedule, and I got to yap with my bestie all evening. It was perfect!
We ended the week with a bang — literally, because it was the Fourth of July! Kevin and I tackled back-to-back pool days on Friday and Saturday, which honestly, I won’t even get into much here. Getting out of the house was a train wreck both times (it literally takes two hours to get everyone and everything ready???) but it wasn’t too bad once we got there. We set up two pack-n-plays so that the twins would nap better, which worked Friday but not Saturday. Even so, the older kids had a blast, and I’m thankful we can bring the circus to my parents backyard and don’t have to brave any public swimming pools.
Finding Heaven at Home
My phone dings. My mom is sending more photos in the groupchat, this time of her and her twin hiking in Switzerland.
Meanwhile, my twins are screaming as if they haven’t tasted milk in years (it’s been one hour).
I’m scarfing down undercooked oatmeal because I was too impatient to wait for it to finish cooking. My brain always goes haywire when the twins are screaming, so I have on noise-cancelling headphones while I try to set a world record for how long it takes to eat a whole bowl of oatmeal. Olivia Rodrigo is singing about how she has maggots for brains and sometimes fantasizes about a tragedy happening so someone rushes to her house to rescue her, and I wonder if she’s read my diary lately.
“WOW!!” I reply, “Looks amazing!!”
“It’s heaven.” my dad replies.
I can’t help but laugh (maybe a little bitterly) to myself as I all but toss my dishes into the already-full sink. I bet it is, I think. I daydream about how much fun my dad and I would have hiking in Europe — doesn’t he know how much I love hiking?? — and I find myself irrationally jealous that he took my mom with him and not me.
I take the steps two at a time to reach the nursery, where I begin rocking one twin to sleep. After ten minutes, I switch, which always makes one twin happy and the other mad. This repeats for about thirty minutes or so until they’re both asleep. I glance over at the clock. It’s 9:00am and I’m already exhausted.
But then my daughter lets out a sigh and snuggles closer on my chest. Her eyelids flutter as she falls asleep, thumb half in her mouth just in case she decides she needs it. I rest my cheek on the top of her head, breathing in that newborn baby scent I know will one day be gone. It’s heaven.
I recall my dad’s words about their trip — “It’s heaven” — and realize both things can be true.
I can’t begin to comprehend how many times my mom must have rocked me, my brother, and my sister to sleep. How many times my dad must have made the same commute to and from work each day. How many times my mom probably shut herself in her bathroom or the pantry to just catch her breath. How many times they watched from the sidelines as their parents, cousins, or friends went on extravagant vacations that they thought they’d never be able to go on.
My parents worked for decades to be able to enjoy the life they have now. Comparing my circumstances to theirs is like comparing apples to oranges — they’re just different. We’re not in the same phase of life.
I’d like to think that one day, my husband and I will be able to travel wherever we want. Better yet, I hope that one day, my twins are texting me pictures from their own European adventure. Until that day comes, though, my heaven is my home.
The way my babies grow heavy in my arms as I rock them and slowly drift off to sleep all snuggled up on my chest is heaven.
The way my five-year-old daughter whispers, “I love you, Mommy. Our family is the best.” into my ear before bedtime is heaven.
Being able to fall asleep and wake up next to my best friend every day is heaven.
There are countless moments when I look around my home, full of kids playing and food in the fridge and a dog who’s just happy to be alive, that I can’t help but think that I’m living in a dream.
God created an absolutely beautiful world, and I hope that I can see as much of it as possible before I die. But God also gifted me with the best family in the world, and because of Him, I can see them after I die, too, and I think that’s pretty great. I’m certain that when I’m seventy years old, rocking on the wrap-around front porch of my forever home with my husband, that it won’t be the Swiss Alps or Hawaiian beaches that I’m longing for. No, I think I’ll want to return right to where I am now, when my kids were small and all under one roof.
Check out this past week’s posts here:
If you like what you read, consider supporting my writing in one of three ways:
1. Become a paid subscriber! For as little as $5/month, you can help keep this busy mom motivated and, more importantly, caffeinated.
2. If you’re not ready to commit to a full subscription, consider a one-time donation through buy me a coffee (should be “buy me a Diet Coke” lol)
3. Shop my Amazon storefront! It is full of all of my favorite baby products, pumping essentials, kids toys and books, law school supplies, and more. If there’s something you need to order from Amazon anyways, consider checking out the storefront to see if I have it. If you purchase from there, I get a small commission.
Step by Step Parenting 