It’s been three weeks without social media now. No Facebook, no Instagram, no hours a day doomscrolling. In a way, I feel like I have part of my life back, but at the same time, it’s become clear that social media wasn’t the only problem — the phone is. Now, instead of mindlessly scrolling Instagram, I’ll find myself on any random app on my phone, chasing that same feeling. It’s a little embarrassing, but I know I’m not the only one struggling with this.
Still, there’s been a lot of improvement. Getting rid of social media has been wonderful for my mental health. It’s forced me to be intentional about connecting with family members and friends, since we have to, *gasp*, actually talk if we want updates on each others’ lives! I’ve also been able to spend more time writing, praying, reading my scriptures, and resting. Just clearing out the mental real estate that social media has occupied in my brain for nearly a decade has given me the capacity to do so much more.
In its place, I have writing. I’ve always had writing, in one form or another. This week, I worked on getting the blog a little more put-together. I fine-tuned the layout for all of the emails, lined up a few weeks worth of articles, and as you’ll see in the footer, set up a few different options for readers who want to support Step by Step Parenting. I pour my heart and soul into my writing, and any tiny amount of compensation goes a long ways and genuinely means the world to me.
Maybe one day, I’ll have posts that are only for paid subscribers, but for now, they will all be free. That option simply exists for those that want to help give a little extra support, motivation, and caffeine each month.
This Week in Review
This week started off with going to my parent’s church instead of ours. They meet much earlier in the day than our one o’clock church, and since everyone was up early, we figured we should get dressed and head out the door while the babies happened to be awake.
It’s the same church, just a different location and meeting time, but my stepkids could not seem to wrap their mind around this. They kept asking why we were going to a different church, and were surprised to see the same hymn books that “our church” has lining the pews! In their defense, since we only have them every other week, they only go to church every other week, so I get how it can be confusing to keep straight.
At one point during sacrament meeting, I looked over and saw both kids and my husband all reading their scriptures. It was such a tender moment, and a good reminder that kids really do notice everything. The kids pulled out their scriptures once they saw Kevin reading his. For better or for worse, our kids constantly turn to us for our example, and it’s up to us to try and set a good one.
Come Sunday night, Kevin’s kids were off to their mom’s for the week, leaving us with just the twins and the dog.
It was, thankfully, a bit of a slower week. I only had work three days, so I got a little bit of extra time to cuddle the babies. On Tuesday, I volunteered at school to help my former Torts and Contracts professor teach a group of high schoolers about the law. They had been given a mock trial packet, and were asking loads of questions about what all of the documents meant, the legal basis for the lawsuit, how to argue the plaintiff’s side versus the defense, and more. It reminded me how two years ago, I didn’t know any more than them. I went into law school in August 2024 knowing nothingabout the law, and I remember being so scared that I would be behind, that I wouldn’t be able to learn it, or that people would “find out” I was a fraud.
Two years later, I’ve learned so, so much. Enough that I feel just fine working at a law firm, because I know enough to actually be helpful. And speaking of, they offered me a position to stay on for the fall, making the same amount of money that I do now, but only working a quarter of the amount of hours. I will primarily be in charge of any of the writing that the firm needs done, whether it be demand letters, complaints, deposition outlines, or anything else. Obviously, I couldn’t pass that up! I am growing increasingly nervous about how I will manage fall semester, between a full load of classes and the twins and the three older kids and now this, but I am trying to trust that everything will somehow work out. That mentality has gotten me through two years of law school, so what’s one last semester?
As for the twins, they are doing great! They’ve both become really fascinated by peek-a-boo this week, and my mom had Emersyn laughing so hard from it in Sunday School that people were turning their heads. Their giggles are just the cutest, though, so I don’t care, and it’s been so fun to hear them more often. Right now, Emersyn definitely laughs more — from peek-a-boo, tickles, or even just from wiping her butt during a diaper change — but Evelyn also laughs, too. She just makes you work for it a little more!
Evelyn has got really good at singling out just her thumb to suck on. This has not quelled her general rage, however, and she still aggressively sucks on anything she can get in her mouth. I wouldn’t be surprised if a little tooth pops up soon, but we’ll see! Evelyn has also been finding her voice lately, and she loves to screech and yell as loud as she can, just for fun. She has begun to “notice” Emersyn more, so a lot of times the screaming is directed at her, along with Evelyn trying to rip off Emersyn’s ears or fingers. They have been getting all up in each other’s space more and more, including feeding each other their fingers and toes, and it’s mostly adorable… until one of them gets mad and decides that they’re have enough!
Kevin and I also made the big decision to start incorporating formula soon. This was a really tough decision for me, because I’ve worked so incredibly hard to provide them with all of the milk they need, but as they grow older and eat more and more, it just hasn’t been quite enough. It’s been a huge stressor on me for weeks now, especially because I wasn’t sure how we would be able to afford $400+ per month on formula. But when I called the WIC office this week to see if we could get some formula just to try, they informed me that I’d be able to get as much as I wanted. I stopped by the store and bought some that same night, and although we’re trying to hold off on using it for as long as possible, it’s taken what has felt like a crushing weight off my chest. I literally wake up feeling happier because I’m not immediately stressed about pumping!
And speaking of waking up happier, this week was the first week in a long time that Kevin and I have prayed together, every single day, andI’ve read my scriptures every day. The difference it’s made in my life in just a week has honestly been astounding. I feel like I’ve noticed more little miracles happen (like the unexpected job offer or the call from WIC), and I can see things working out in ways even better than I could have ever come up with (more on that below!). I was talking to Kevin about it, and realized it’s kind of like running.
When you’re not running regularly, it’s easy to not miss it. In fact, the thought of a run might even sound like a chore. But when you arerunning regularly, and you miss a run, you feel it, and are usually craving to get it in somehow. To me, daily scripture study and prayer has felt like the same thing. I didn’t really miss it when I wasn’t doing it, but now that I’ve started to make a habit out of it, if lunchtime rolls around and I haven’t prayed or read my scriptures, I find myself craving it, and trying to get to it as soon as possible!
Overall, it was a really good week. I am grateful to have gotten some extra snuggle time with girls, I am grateful that I was given some perspective I needed from working with the high schoolers, I am grateful that I don’t need to stress as much about feeding the girls going forward, and I am incredibly grateful for my husband, our family, our friends, and the life we get to live. When we started dating, Kevin and I used to dream of one day being married and being able to see each other every day. The reality we’re living now, though, is ten times better than anything we could have dreamt up ourselves.
God’s Plan Is Greater Than My Potential
I have always been very hard on myself. From a young age, my parents and teachers made it very clear that I was intelligent and talented, and that I needed to work hard to use that gift to the best of my abilities. They emphasized how with enough dedication, I could accomplish anything I wanted in life. In other words, I had a lot of potential.
I know they all meant well, and they weren’t wrong — I did have a lot of potential. But as a child with a tendency for anxiety, the possibilities seemed endless, and the encouragement translated as pressure.
Do I go to medical school? Law school? Try and become an Olympic swimmer? Or runner? Should I practice to be a concert pianist? Flutist? Do I get a PhD in creative writing? Publish a book? Maybe two?
‘Megan is a very gifted writer,’ my fourth grade teacher wrote on my progress report at the end of the year, ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s published a book by the time she was eighteen.’
And so I did. Yes, it was self-published, but I did it.
As time went on, though, dreams began to crumble. I never seemed to train hard enough, study long enough, or stick with any one pursuit long enough to amount to anything special.
I quit swimming. I quit playing flute and piano. I gave up on medical school once I survived chemistry in college (heavy emphasis on survived).
One thing stuck, though: writing.
I loved writing. I was good at writing. I was addicted to writing. When Lin Manual Miranda sang, “I wrote my way out of hell,” I felt that, because that? That was something I could do.
My potential might have diminished as time went on, but my gift for writing did not. After spending over six years in college, I finally made it to law school, and now, I’m just one semester away from graduating.
I should be proud. Given that I birthed twins in the middle of a semester, after trudging through my entire second year pregnant and deathly ill, I should be way more than proud. But honestly? I’m not. I’m disappointed.
My grades are not deserving of any accolades. Sure, I was accepted onto moot court board, but I never had the opportunity to compete in any oral arguments because I was so sick. I am at the bottom of my class — literally, I’m pretty sure there are less than forty people beneath me and over one hundred above. I could tell myself, ‘It’s because I was pregnant! It’s because I gave birth! It’s because I’m postpartum!’ until I’m blue in the face, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
I was wallowing in self-pity the other day, reflecting on all of this, mourning over all of the wasted potential and the doors that are now closed, when it’s like I heard a voice practically yell at me:
“Maybe God’s plan is greater than any ‘potential’ you had!”
Honestly, the revelation left me speechless. I don’t think I’ve ever considered that before. I view every failure or setback in my life as the result of some personal flaw — laziness, exhaustion, or simply not being smart enough — but never have I paused and considered that maybe God has been directing me right to where I’ve needed to be this whole time.
Writing that out now, I feel a little silly. Of course God’s plan is going to be greater than anything I can come up with myself. Rather than being so concerned with what the world thinks of me, and if I will appear successful to the world, I should care more about whether I am accomplishing what God needs me to, and if I’m heading in a direction that He approves of. My goal, both as a writer and as a lawyer, has always been to help people. I know that He has the power to lead me to the right people to help, regardless of my grades or class rank. Those are such silly and small and inconsequential things to worry about in the grand scheme of things.
That doesn’t mean they don’t matter at all, because they do, and it’s perfectly valid to be upset if things haven’t gone the way I thought they would. But I’ve also seen enough setbacks blossom into beautiful new beginnings at this point, thanks to Him, that I know I have nothing to worry about.
God’s plan for my life is greater than my potential, and thank goodness for that. As Matthew 6:34 says:
“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.”
Read this week’s other posts here:
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