Step by Step Parenting

When I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks before my twentieth birthday, I had no idea what to expect. With the help of the Internet, my mom, and copies of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” and “What to Expect the First Year,” I figured it out. But the more time that has passed since my pregnancy nearly five years ago, the more things I’ve realized I wish I had known that first time around!

If you’ve recently found out that you’re pregnant with your first, or you’re planning to become pregnant for the first time, here are the top five things I wish someone had told me!

1. Ask for the anti-nausea meds ASAP

Growing up, I had heard stories of how incredibly sick my mom got with all three of her pregnancies, so I had a hunch that the same would be true for me. Sure enough, the morning sickness hit me starting at week six or seven, and did not let up until almost eighteen weeks.

Even after then, it was just bearable. I remember being ticked that it was just called “morning” sickness, because for those first eighteen weeks, I was sick from the time I woke up until the time I fell asleep! I somehow pushed through work, but I had to drop out of school because I was so sick that I could barely function.

I mentioned this to my OB/GYN at around fifteen weeks, and she immediately said, “Oh my gosh, why didn’t you say you were feeling so sick?! I can order you some medicine that will be in later today!”

At this point, it was a little too late, since the worst of it was behind me, but I remember feeling so silly for not saying something earlier. Every time they asked me how I felt, I just said, “Fine,” because I thought throwing up around the clock and losing ten pounds during the first trimester was normal. Nobody even told me that I could get a prescription to help make my sickness more manageable.

So here’s me telling you: get the meds! My OB/GYN has since informed me that at least at that office, you can literally call and say, “Hi, I just got a positive pregnancy test, can I schedule my first appointment? Oh, and can I get anti-nausea meds in the meantime?” I wish I had known that the first time around!

2. Try your best to stay active during the first trimester

As I just mentioned, I was extremely sick for almost half of my pregnancy. But right around twenty weeks, not only was I feeling a little more human, but it was spring, and the weather had started warming up outside. I started going for long walks again, and I even found myself wanting to go for runs. Nothing crazy, but some sort of walk-run intervals sounded really appealing.

Unfortunately, when I consulted with my OB/GYN, she advised that since I hadn’t been active throughout my first trimester, to not start anything new during my second trimester. I for some reason doubted her, but a quick peruse on the Internet confirmed what she said.

I still went for long walks, and even a few hikes, but if I had known that my activity level during my first trimester would set the tone for the rest of my pregnancy, I would have tried a little harder to push through the morning sickness. I wouldn’t have been running marathons, but I would have done strength training with light weights and hour-long walks.

3. Take the maternity photos!

When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t wait to find a fun way to announce my pregnancy to friends and family, to do a cute gender reveal, and to have maternity photos taken. Your first pregnancy is such a special and exciting time, and I wanted to make the most of it.

Unfortunately, none of that happened. COVID-19 hit, I ended up working full-time until I was nine months pregnant, and life never slowed down. Not only did I never do any of those things, including having maternity photos taken, but I also have hardly any pictures of me at all from that time period! I wish I had been better about documenting that stage in my life, and I wish I had known just how fleeting it would be (even if it felt never-ending in the moment).

4. Ask your OB/GYN about anti-anxiety meds for when you’re in labor

Growing up, I can honestly say that one of my worst fears was childbirth. I was never the kid that said they wanted to be a mom when they grew up, not because I didn’t want to be, but because I simply could not wrap my mind around child birth. I partially blame Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith for this one, but also, I think I just tended to hear more negative birth stories than I did positive ones. That’s why when I was encouraged to create a birth plan, I wrote down only one word:

Epidural.

I avoided researching all of the things I could consider, because I was so anxious about going into labor that I simply didn’t want to know. When I started having contractions and drove to the hospital, and expressed how nervous I was to all of the nurses, I was surprised to be offered anti-anxiety meds in my IV along with fluids. Why had no one told me this was an option? If I had known, I wouldn’t have been as nervous! It ended up being the best decision, because by time my daughter was born, I had been in labor almost 36 hours. Not having to deal with overwhelming anxiety made it easier to face the challenges as they came.

5. Contractions feel exactly like period cramps

As my due date neared, in addition to being scared to actually give birth, for some reason I grew nervous that I wouldn’t even recognize my contractions and therefore wouldn’t make it to the hospital in time. I tried Googling what to expect, but no amount of surfing the Internet provided me with peace of mind (side note: this is true almost 100% of the time for all things pregnancy and newborn related).

Finally, I reached out to my friend, whose due date was only a month before mine. We were also around the same age and both of our pregnancies were surprises, so I found myself confiding in her a lot. It was nice to talk to someone who understood what it was like, but was always a few steps ahead of me on the journey. When I asked her what going into labor felt like, she answered immediately, “Oh, it feels exactly like period cramps!”

One month later, I was sitting at my desk doing homework when all of the sudden, I felt cramps. My first thought was that it must be my period, but I quickly remembered that I hadn’t had a period in nine months, and that my friend said this is what the early stages of labor felt like.

Sure enough, my daughter was born a few days later! I had read dozens of different descriptions of what early labor would feel like, but in the end, it was the advice of a friend that had helped me the most.

It’s still hard to believe that it’s been almost five years since I was pregnant. What once felt like it lasted an eternity, now feels like it happened ages ago. There’s so, so much I wish I had known, and although I can’t go back in time and change anything, hopefully my experiences can at least help other moms-to-be.