The other day, someone asked how old my twins were, and I said almost four months.
Not three months and three weeks, and definitely not seventeen weeks — in fact, I just had to pull up my calendar to confirm that that is how many weeks old they are.
It’s hard to believe that the newborn phase is coming to an end, if it hasn’t already. Most places I’ve read say that the newborn stage ends anywhere between two and three months. Regardless of where the exact cutoff is, the newborn phase is definitely over by four months, and the girls turned four months old yesterday.
Before the twins were born, we knew that having two would be harder than one. I could barely wrap my head around the logistics of double the bottles, double the milk, double the diapers, double the onesies. I was anxious that this would lead to double the exhaustion, double the difficulty, and double the stress.
The only places I had to turn to for advice on what life would be like with twins were my grandma (my mom is a twin), Facebook groups, and Reddit forums. Across the board, almost everyone seemed to reach the same consensus: newborn twins are unbelievably, unfathomably difficult. The absolute trenches.
I am happy to report that now that we’re on the other side of it, caring for newborn twins is nowhere near as difficult as everyone made it out to be.
My husband and I are both naturally competitive high-achievers. We’ve run ultramarathons, both have multiple degrees, are constantly working on side projects, can always be found with a pen or book in hand, and we both truly thrive off of the chaos. We like to joke that God sent us twins because he knew we needed a real challenge and to humble us, and in some ways, I think that’s true.
We would both agree that having just one baby would be wayyyyy too easy. We actually get a little laugh over how much easier life would be if there was only one. Because even with two, we are both working full-time, running regularly, keeping the older three kids alive, traveling, etc. It’s been the perfect challenge.
It has definitely not been all sunshine and rainbows, though. It hasn’t been as difficult as we expected, but it has still been difficult.
For the first several weeks, I don’t think I ever slept longer than three hours at a time. Since I am exclusively pumping, I was having to pump every three hours around the clock to increase and maintain milk supply, even if the babies were sleeping longer stretches.
We lasted less than a week before we caved and got the bottle washer. In the beginning, between hand-washing my pump and washing a seemingly never-ending pile of bottles, my hands got so dry that they were almost bleeding.
And nothing can compare to how stressful it was to bring home two extremely small babies. Losing weight after birth is completely normal (something I wish I had known when I had my first), but because the twins were tiny to begin with, the weights they dropped to were alarmingly low. The doctors didn’t even want us to leave the hospital, but on day four of our hospital stay, I insisted.
From a numbers standpoint, in nearly four months of life, the twins have consumed around 5,700 oz of milk, and I’ve pumped almost 6,500 oz — to help you picture that, that’s over 50 gallons of milk! We have also burned through well over 2,000 diapers and Lord knows how many wipes.
Despite all of that, though, I think part of the reason having twin newborns hasn’t been as difficult is because we went into this knowing that it would be a lot. We knew that we would be beyond exhausted and overwhelmed, so it was no surprise when, sure enough, double the babies meant half the sleep.
With so much of our focus on the babies, the things that have been the most difficult for me are actually the things that have little to do with the twins themselves, and more to do with the effects that twins have had on our life.
For example, I miss my husband. We live together, obviously, so I see him all the time, but it does feel like we’re chickens running around with our heads cut off most days. I have found myself mourning our pre-baby life way, way more than I thought I would, which has been surprising given that we had these babies on purpose. We wanted our lives to change like this, and I even had a hunch it was twins from the moment I found out I was pregnant, so we had plenty of time to prepare. But nothing could have prepared me for how much I would miss being able to go on long runs with my husband, or drop everything and travel somewhere during the weeks our big kids are gone.
It has also been hard to feel like I don’t have as much time to focus on our three older kids, and even the dog, now that the twins are here. I worry that my kids will see me and my husband constantly tending to the twins, and take that to mean that they are now second place. I make an effort to address their needs first when I can, even if one of the twins is crying, but it is still hard to find the right balance.
All of this to say — it’s still a lot. It’s still hard. But it is 100% doable. There are lots of things that could go wrong, but my motto ever since I have found out I was pregnant with twins has been, “Well, what if everything just works out okay?” Trying to keep this glass-half-full attitude as we’ve begun our twin parenting journey has made the exhaustion and challenges easier to cope with. And if that doesn’t work, I just sing “You’re Gonna Miss This” by Trace Adkins at the top of my lungs, and that has helped, too!
A part of me will miss the newborn phase. I will miss counting their age in weeks and measuring their feeds in millimeters. I will miss how easily they both fit on my chest all snuggled up. I will miss their adorable newborn sounds, and I will try to never forget how impossibly tiny they were.
But I know that more joy lies ahead. I cannot wait to watch them smile more, hear their belly laughs, and try solid food. I can admittedly wait to watch them crawl or walk because that will be chaotic… but I am excited nonetheless! And maybe most of all, I cannot wait to watch their twin bond grow.
There is so much to miss, but even more to look forward to; thus is motherhood.
Read about our first month with twins here:
Read about my birth story with the twins here:
Read about my twin pregnancy here:
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