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Happy Mother’s Day to all of you wonderful women out there! As I mentioned in this week’s blog post, Mother’s Day is something I’ve struggled with since becoming a stepmom, so if today brings up sad or complicated feelings for you, just know you’re not alone.
My husband apparently had the kids make me cards earlier this week. When he attempted to give them to me over breakfast this morning, my stepson exclaimed, “No, that’s for my mom!” and snatched it back up. Kevin instantly tried to correct him, and I could see T starting to feel bad, so I just shrugged it off and smiled and said, “Okay, that’s so nice of you! Should we have your sister sign it, too, and you guys can give it to mommy when you see her in a little bit?”
Did his reaction sting a little bit? Of course. But he’s five years old, and has always been a mama’s boy at heart. Even though I’ve been in his life since he was two, he has always made it very clear that I am not “Mommy,” and that is okay. Little kids are not meant to understand complicated blended family dynamics. That’s a lot to expect from someone so small. All he knows is that he loves his mom, and I am not his mom. He’s not wrong!
What stung even more than his comment this morning, though, was the immediate guilt that creeped onto his face when Kevin (understandably) tried to correct him. That’s why my first reaction was to downplay the situation and try and make him feel better. All stepmoms know that you can’t force a relationship with your stepkids, and I never want my stepkids to feel bad about that, or feel obligated to act a certain way towards me. That’s not real love. Part of being a stepmom is knowing that you are committing to loving someone like your own, even if that love isn’t reciprocated back in exactly the same way.
And you know what? That same little boy is the one who, when I was having a hectic and honestly crappy morning yesterday trying to get me and all five kids out the door to go to the zoo, came up to me, hugged me, and said, unprompted, “I love you. You’re a good mom.” That means ten times more to me than any card ever could.
Regardless, today still marks my first Mother’s Day with the twins, and my first Mother’s Day as a mom of five, so that is worth celebrating!
Week #14 Favorites
- Brooks Ghost running shoe. When I joined the cross country team my sophomore year of high school, my parents took me to a local running store to get fitted for running shoes. After scanning my feet and watching me walk and run, they recommended the Brooks Ghost. I didn’t stick with running after that one year on the team, but when I began running again in 2021 after having my first daughter, this was the first shoe I tried. I have lots of different running shoes for all types of runs, but I keep coming to this one for all of my training runs! It’s simple, reliable, and comfortable, all things that are important when you’re going to put 300-500 miles on a shoe. Since I started running again this week, I dug these out from the bottom of the shoe basket again, and they’re just as comfy as ever!
- Handmade arts and crafts from my kids. I love when kids bring home cute little handprint crafts from preschool, but I love it even more when they’re a little bit older and start to make their own cards and drawings, all by themselves! For example, Eloisa made me the cutest happy birthday card this past January for my birthday, without anyone asking her to or anyone helping. The thought behind it (and the adorable attempt at spelling) made this my favorite card I’ve received in a long time! Anyone who knows me, knows that I am extremely sentimental, so I love love love collecting all of my kids’ creations. They age like fine wine and are so fun to look back on down the road.
- Teddy grahams and peanut butter. Since I’m making milk for two, I’m hungry all the time! If I’m not careful, I could eat sweets literally all day, which is fine, but protein is what really helps keep my energy up and helps me feel my best. This snack is the perfect combination of satisfying my sweets craving (chocolate teddy grahams) and getting protein (peanut butter), so I’ve packed it in my lunch every day!
Week #14 Highlights
- My friend, her boyfriend, and I took all five kids to the North Carolina Zoo. And in case you didn’t know, this is the largest natural habitat zoo in the world, so we walked a lot! According to my watch, I got over 15,000 steps and we walked nearly ten miles. I don’t know how accurate that is, but it’s definitely not too far off. This outing was made even more ambitious by the fact that I had to pump while we were there, and we had two-month-old twins with us. There wasn’t a great place to pump, so I was a little out of my comfort zone when I had to change my shirt and put on my wearable pumps in public, but we got it done. Luckily, thanks to my friend Gwen and her boyfriend, we were less outnumbered by kids than I would have been by myself! Everyone had a great time and hopefully we can go back more this summer.
2. I STARTED RUNNING AGAIN! Words cannot express HOW amazing this felt! I honestly didn’t know that I had missed running this much. The weather was nice one day, and I thought, “Wow, perfect running weather,” followed by, “Maybe I should run?” I was not prepared for the runner’s high that came afterwards! I jokingly told my husband that maybe I haven’t been depressed, I just needed to run. On a more serious note, running was a huge part of my identity, both before twin pregnancy and especially before law school. I knew that placing running on hold temporarily was a sacrifice I had to make — mostly for my grades — but I am so glad I’m back in a spot where I can make it a part of my regular routine again. Running Megan is back! Bonus: I was able to take Ginger with me on my runs (see below), and she loved it.
3. I was able to sneak away with my friend Sara and our dogs for a night. Before I found out I was pregnant last summer, my friend Sara and I loved to take our dogs to a local dog park bar downtown. I got Ginger just a few months after she got her dachshund, Willie, so our puppies practically grew up together. This dog park is definitely a little ~bougie~. You have to pay to get in, or buy an annual pass, and they require updated vaccination records for all of the dogs. They also have a bar (and they always give me free “Diet Coke on the rocks with a lime!)), free Wi-fi, and they frequently have live music or food trucks. And then for the dogs, there’s a giant turf play yard, a mini obstacle course, piles of ice for them to munch on that the staff regularly refreshes, and on hot days, little shallow kiddie pools for them to splash around in. To top it all off, there’s “Bark Rangers,” staff who roam the park to keep an eye on all of the dogs and make sure everyone is getting along. Basically, it’s worth every penny! Sara and I took our puppies there multiple times a week last year, but once I got farther into my pregnancy, I wasn’t able to go anymore. This week was my first time taking Ginger since the twins were born, and we both had a blast. And the best part? My husband said all five kids easily went to bed (and stayed there!), so he joked that I should go out more often. Say less!
Self-Care Tip of the Week: For the Moms
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you are more than somebody’s wife or mom. You have to make time for your own interests, hobbies, and friends.
“Mother” and “wife” are wonderful roles in life, but it’s important to find fulfillment in ways that don’t involve constantly pouring into other’s cups. I learned this the hard way when I got divorced almost four years ago. After getting married at only nineteen, and being married for three years, I didn’t know who I was anymore. So far, I had spent all of my twenties trying to be someone that someone else wanted, and I hadn’t spent any time at all getting to know myself.
With divorce came joint custody, and with joint custody came more time. I missed my daughter terribly, so I tried to stay busy as a distraction. It was then that I learned that I loved trail running. It was then that I started exploring my hometown more, and hanging out with friends more regularly. I went on more hikes, more vacations, and more solo dates. I learned that I actually liked myself, and enjoyed some alone time to recharge before my daughter was with me again.
It’s crazy to say, but divorce helped me get my spark back, and made me a better mother. Re-discovering who I was outside of motherhood made all the difference.
See you guys next week! Eleven more weeks of this newsletter to go!
Step by Step Parenting 