When you’re with the right person, the love story after the end credits is actually better.
“I just… don’t like writing about us.”
And they say romance is dead!
“Oh. Okay, um, can I ask why?” my husband responded.
At that, I launched into an explanation of how there’s a statistic out there that the more a couple posts about their partner, the more likely they’re actually unhappy, or maybe that’s not a statistic and just something I saw on Facebook but the point still stands, and I don’t want anything to seem forced, and also isn’t it kind of cheesy to write about love, like who wants to read all the lovey dovey rambling, when I was in fourth grade my mom taught me the phrase, “Ugh, like, gag me with a spoon,” because she said that’s what kids said back in her day, and it feels applicable here, and —
“Okay, okay! I get it,” he said, both hands raised in the air as a sign of surrender.
I resumed doing the dishes, and his attention turned once more to his current book (“Skeleton Crew” by Stephen King) and his frosted chocolate chip Pop-Tart. It was just another typical Thursday morning.
I started my blog in 2017 as a high school senior bound for college in Hawaii, but I didn’t start writing more regularly until 2024, during my first semester of law school. With most of my time consumed by learning how to read cases and write legal memos and argue before a panel of judges without passing out, I wanted a creative outlet that was completely unrelated to anything academic. I wrote about motherhood, blended family life, and relationships. At least, that was the goal. Over time, I naturally found myself writing more and more about parenting and less about dating or marriage.
There were a few exceptions. I wrote about what it was like to date after divorce, and I shared my husband and I’s engagement story and love story. But in the several years since I’ve published those pieces, despite getting married and having two children together, I’ve struggled with what to say next. We overcame all of the obstacles that stood between us and tying the knot, we made it to the altar, we got our “happily ever after,” so what else is there? Isn’t that where all the movies end?
The reality is, that’s where the movies end because that’s where the drama ends. No one wants to watch a movie where a couple wakes up, gets their kids ready and takes them to school, goes to work, comes home and eats a casserole with their family for dinner, stays up after the kids’ bedtime to watch TV together, and then goes to bed. Over and over and over. It would be kind of boring.
Now of course, real life isn’t exactly like that. There are still challenges and excitements and adventures even if you’re married. But the difference is that when you’re with the right person, everything after “happily ever after” feels safe. And if you’re only used to toxic or unhealthy relationships, this safety may at first feel boring.
I dated someone in college who was very keen on grand gestures, but only after bringing me to the point of nearly having a mental breakdown. I didn’t see it at the time, naturally. But when I powered up an old laptop one day and saw all of the old text messages, I was horrified. My husband, who was next to me, was equally shocked. The messages were manipulative, condescending, and berating. How on earth did I ever let someone talk to me like that? I wondered. Why did I allow someone to treat me like that?
Well, I was only eighteen. I didn’t know what love was. I had only seen it in books and movies and songs and TV shows. To quote a Taylor Swift song (since I was a huge Taylor Swift fan so that is also where I learned about love as a teenager), I thought love was, “screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, and it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name, so in love that you act insane, and that’s the way I loved you. Breaking down and coming undone, it’s a rollercoaster kind of rush.”
When I was in middle school, that sounded romantic. But now, that just sounds… exhausting. Love should not be that difficult, and it shouldn’t be something you feel like you’re continuously having to earn or beg for. You shouldn’t constantly be on edge, wondering which fight will be your last, or stressing over whether they are going to one day decide you’re too much and leave. The right person will leave no doubt in your mind about any of that.
Life after happily ever after is quiet sometimes, and that’s okay.
Most of out days revolve around our kids (I mean, there’s five of them, so it’s kind of inevitable), our jobs, and bills. We are constantly working out the logistics of who is going to pick up which kids from school, who needs to request off work to watch them during spring break, how we’re going to break down our budget for the next month, and whose turn it is to do baths that night with the kids. We take turns making pancakes or yogurt bowls for the family for breakfast, and we’ve accepted our fate that we have to decide what to feed ourselves every day until we die. That last one is especially daunting.
Any alone time we get is after the kids are in bed and we’re completely run down, or maybe the occasional date night if we can find someone to babysit. Romance doesn’t look like two dozen red roses and a six o’clock reservation at a steakhouse anymore. Instead, romance looks like a kiss on the cheek and an, “I got it this time,” when the babies wake for the third time that night and the sound of their cries makes you immediately want to cry, too.
Romance looks like knowing all of their orders at their favorite restaurants by heart.
Romance looks like smiling at every new love song that Ed Sheeran releases, because they all remind you of your better half.
Romance looks like dropping by their work with their favorite energy drink while you’re out running errands, because last night with the babies was rough and they probably need it.
Romance looks like an, “I miss you and hope you’re having a good day” text in the middle of the work day, and the smile that creeps on your face afterwards because you realize several years into this, and you’re still excited to see them when you get home.
There are still flowers and gifts and nice dinners and cards. But after the happily ever after, there is also safety, comfort, and dependability. In a world as crazy as this one, that type of love is truly priceless.
Step by Step Parenting 