Our twin girls are one month old today, and I’m heartbroken about it. The first month with my firstborn felt like an eternity, but this first month with the twins has gone by so, so fast! They say that a baby is considered a newborn for eight weeks, so to think that we’re already halfway through that? I’m not okay.
I was so scared to have newborn twins. Before they were born, whether I was enjoying a peaceful quiet moment or whether my house was in a state of chaos with three kids running around, a little voice in my head would say, “Now imagine two babies thrown in the mix!” I was worried that newborn twins would steal all my moments of rest away, make parenting my three older kids ten times harder, break my marriage, make it impossible to leave the house ever again, and a myriad of other negative possibilities that I’d been warned of.
There’s at least some truth to it all. There are definitely less moments of rest. At times, it is hard to juggle the needs of my twins and the needs of the older kids. It has definitely been a new challenge for my husband and I to work on overcoming together.
But after only a month, I can confidently say that we are incredibly blessed to have twins, and that I was meant to be a twin mom.
Here are some of the things that have surprised me the most so far about having twins, as well as some of my favorite parts.
The lack of sleep isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.
When we first got home from the hospital, we had to wake the twins up every three hours to feed, even through the night. Once they were big enough that the pediatrician said we could wait from them to wake up, I still had to wake up every three hours to pump. The result? Neither me nor my husband slept longer than three hours straight for almost the whole month. Occasionally, due to one of us taking an extra shift or a friend helping out, one of us maybe got four or four and half straight hours. But that was rare. So in a way, it’s like it’s been one looooong day since February 23rd!
But surprisingly, the sleep deprivation hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. You just kind of get used to it, because really, what choice do you have? There have definitely been tears shed over the lack of sleep, by both me and my husband. but normally once I’ve accepted my fate and I’m up for the day, I’m ok.
Two babies crying at the same time isn’t as triggering as I thought it might be; instead, it makes me constantly feel guilty.
A baby crying can sound like nails on a chalkboard, at least to me. I remember during my first postpartum phase nearly six years ago, hearing my daughter cry would practically send me in fight-or-flight mode. I would start to panic and sweat, to the point where I could barely think clearly to even calm her down. Now my postpartum anxiety and rage that I had at the time definitely played a role in that. But still, I worried that if I could barely handle when there was one baby crying, how on earth would I handle two?
Well, it’s been six years. I am calmer and more mature. I’ve also been parenting six years, as opposed to the few weeks I had under my belt with my first. The past six years have also had lots of therapy sessions, emotional regulation, and self-growth. So by the time the twins were born, their little cries didn’t elicit that same panicked reaction. Instead, they make me feel both sad and guilty. Because (almost) every time they cry, I have to pick which one to console first. I’m constantly having to decided which one should get their diaper changed first, which one should get rocked to sleep first, etc. There are times when I can take care of both at once, but a lot of times if I’m home alone, it’s just impossible. It’s been really hard to be snuggling one baby while the other one is just sitting in their bouncer or laying on the ground. I wish I had extra arms and hands so I could both give them 100% of my love and attention without having to constantly make one wait.
Some of those stupid expensive baby gadgets that I used to swear I’d never buy have saved my life.
When I was expecting, nearly every online forum and article I read about parenting newborn twins said I had to have a bottle washer. I thought that was ridiculous. I tend to be extremely minimalistic when it comes to buying stuff for babies. I could write a whole post on baby items I refuse to by and why, but to list a few, I don’t think wipe warmers, bottle warmers, or even changing tables or baby monitors, are necessary.
We had been home from the hospital one week when I caved and desperately asked for the bottle washer. Between the twins’ bottles and all of my pump parts (since I was exclusively pumping), we were using practically our whole (very tiny) kitchen to wash and air dry all of it. It felt like we could never keep up. We were burning through paper towels from having to dry all of the tiny little bottles before feeding sessions.
When the bottle washer arrived, I feverishly tore open the packaging and called my husband into the room to help me set it up. We rinsed off several dirty bottles, started the first load, and the clouds cleared and birds started singing.
Okay maybe that last part is a stretch, but it felt amazing to have even a little bit of the load off of our shoulders. When you have twins — twice the bottles, twice the diapers, twice the everything — sometimes those products with the extra bells and whistles are even more helpful, and there’s no shame in indulging in a few to save your sanity.
I try really hard not to constantly compare them… and mostly, I fail.
My mom is a twin, my best friend’s mom is a twin, and I know lots of twins, so I’ve heard stories of twin comparison gone sideways. When you label twins as, “the pretty one,” “the smart one,” “the one with the bigger nose,” “the funny one,” etc. there are certain implications. I swore while I was pregnant that although I would dress my twins in matching outfits and give them matching initials, I was not going to constantly compare them to each other.
Ha. Haha. Okay girl.
Even when I had my first singleton, I was comparing her to my friend’s newborn babies, to stories of me as a newborn, and to newborn babies on the Internet. Why did I think this would be any different when there’s literally two babies right next to each other?
None of it is ill-intention. In fact, most of it is born from worry. “Emersyn just gulped down 4oz of milk but Evelyn barely finished 1oz, is she okay?” or “Evelyn has these markings on her stomach but Emersyn doesn’t. is that normal?” or “Evelyn sleeps so much better at night but Emersyn is constantly waking up, what’s wrong? Is it gas?”
And then there’s fun comparisons, too. Evelyn growls like a dinosaur when she’s waking up, and hums and sings to her bottle during every feeding. Emersyn makes more milk drunk faces and rolls to her side more often. The list goes on. It’s hard not to notice the differences when I’m watching two babies grow up right next to each other, and I’m learning that that doesn’t make me a bad mom.
From my husband: Twins are a challenge, but such a huge gift.
When my husband and I were reflecting on the past month — all of the highs and lows, the expected and unexpected — this is what we both ultimately concluded was our biggest takeaway from our first month as twin parents.
Yes, it can be hard. Everyone made sure to warn us of that while I was pregnant, too, just in case we didn’t know. But parenting twins is at least twice as rewarding as it is challenging. We feel so lucky to have two babies to snuggle, cuddle, and watch grow. And I know that as they grow older and interact with each other and the world more, it will just get better and better!
Step by Step Parenting 