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Happy spring, everybody! We’re finally starting to have consistently warmer days where I live, the trees are blooming with the most beautiful blossoms, and the daffodils have sprung out of the ground. At the same time, I am beginning to feel more and more like myself with each passing week as I get farther into my postpartum journey. Never have I felt quite so aligned with a season as I do with spring this year! It seems very fitting that in the season of new life and new beginnings, I am watching two new little lives grow, as well.
One of my daughters (because I guess there are four now… woah) has declared she hates spring, however, because she’s says that’s when the bugs come out and she doesn’t like bugs. She’ll look out the storm door into the front yard at all of the carpenter bees and boxelder bugs with disdain, and suddenly is very disinterested in coloring with chalk on the sidewalk in front of the house.
I can’t really say I blame her, and her reaction to the season is just as valid as mine is. So whether you feel very in tune with spring this or are rather in different, take heart in knowing that this season, too, will be temporary! As moms of young children know all too well, the passage of time is both a blessing and a curse.
Chapter 3: The Poet
“It’s just so… depressing.”
Well of course it is, I wanted to reply, that’s because I’m depressed.
It was Wednesday night, which meant church youth group in the evening. Every week, there was an activity planned that related to one of the “Young Women values”: faith, divine nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity, and virtue. This week, the focus was on knowledge, and we were all supposed to bring something we created in the week prior. Some girls brought cookies they baked, or pictures that they drew, or a musical instrument on which they performed. I brought my trusty, well-worn, college-ruled composition notebook titled, “Meg’s Poems” (written in purple pen on the cover, of course).
One of the youth group leaders, who had to have at least been my mom’s age, had just finished flipping through the pages of my poems before levying her judgment. I had meant for her to pick the poem she found the most interesting for me to share with the group, not condemn the whole lot of them.
But, much to my own surprise, my reaction wasn’t that of anger, defensiveness, or even hurt. I was simply confused.
Had she not caught the careful rhyme scheme in, “Deep in the Jungle?” Or the clever word play in, “Piece of Me?” Had she not even noticed that, “Golden,” was written in iambic pentameter, something I was very proud of given that I was only thirteen?
She must not have. She wasn’t a writer, wasn’t a poet like me, so how could I expect her to?
To be continued…
Week #7 Favorites
- Noah Kahan’s new album. There’s only been two songs on this album that have been released so far, and I am obsessed with them! I often find inspiration for writing by listening to music, and these songs have me feeling all the feels. His first album was definitely the soundtrack to my life when I first discovered it in early 2023, so I’m looking forward to having a new album for this new era of life. One of his songs from his first album even inspired me to chase my dream of attending law school (you can read about that story here), so I can’t wait to see what this new album inspires!
- Caffeine-free Diet Coke. I’ve made the decision to cut out all caffeine while breastfeeding, which feels like some sick joke because I’ve objectively never needed caffeine more. I’m so tired, y’all! I still love a fizzy drink though, so I’ve recently turned to caffeine-free Diet Coke, just to feel something. It gets the job done, but I’m definitely counting down the days until I can quit pumping. 290, in case anyone is wondering!
- My sister. My sister flew home from college for a weekend to meet the twins and spend time with family, and it was so so good to see her! She is the best aunt to my kids and one of my best friends. And no, I’m not saying she’s my favorite sibling, so no one has any need to alert my brother. All I’m saying is out of all of the people in my life, my sister is one of my favorites. When my mom brought her home from the hospital when I was five years old, I was… let’s just say not very interested. A nearly six-year age gap is hard to overcome as kids. To be fair, a 12 year old and a 6 year old feels like a much larger age gap than a 26 year old and a 20 year old. But I’ll never forget when I came home from my first semester of college right before her thirteenth birthday. It’s like all of the sudden, she was fun to hang out with and wearing the same size clothes as me and reading the same books that I read and yet somehow ten times cooler than me??? And also stunning? And adult?? It was, at least for me, a turning point in our relationship, and we’ve become better friends with each passing year. Anytime someone tells me that I’m anything like her, I take it as a compliment, because my sister is amazing. Definitely loses a few points for living thousands of miles away, though (sorry, sis!).
Week #7 Highlights
I previously had the week’s favorites and highlights in the same section, but I figured I’d separate them going forward to make sure they both really get the chance to shine! Regardless of how hectic any given week might be, I think it’s important to focus on at least a few positives, big or small.
- I finished my fifth semester of law school! Some days, I still can’t believe that I’m in law school at all, much less more than half way done. The whole journey has been so much more difficult than I ever anticipated, and pregnancy has made it that much harder. But no matter what my grades for this semester end up being (we won’t find out for another week or so), I’m choosing to celebrate this milestone and to be proud of myself. I rallied through nine months of constant nausea and illness to still be a full-time student, gave birth to twins just weeks before finals, brought my readings to the hospital, studied for exams during middle-of-the-night pumping sessions, and so much more. It’s been insane, but if all goes according to plan, by the end of this year, I’ll be done. I can’t say I’m the smartest student, or the most naturally gifted, but I would venture to say that I’m one of the most determined.
- Both twins are officially too big for premie diapers and clothes. This one just breaks my heart! I’m so happy the girls are eating well and growing at a good rate, but oh my goodness I just can’t believe how time is flying.
- I have survived almost one whole month of exclusively pumping for the twins! I consider this a huge accomplishment, because producing enough for twins takes a LOT. Not to mention I’m producing enough to freeze some, as well! I currently get about half a gallon of breastmilk every day, so I have to work around the clock to eat, stay hydrated, wash the pump parts, store milk, and everything else that comes with pumping. I may already be doing the calculations to see when’s the soonest I can quit, but in the meantime, I’m not giving up.
Breaking Up With Instagram
I finally did it — I deleted Instagram off of my phone!
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for any amount of time, you’ll know that this is something I’ve been considering for weeks. Well, I finally did it, and guess what happened?
Nothing.
Truthfully, I don’t even miss the app as much as I thought I would. It probably helps that I was insanely busy this week, but I didn’t even find myself going to look for it on my phone. As a result, my overall screen time is down, too.
Between social media being off of my phone, and just spending less time on my phone in general, I’ve been surprised by how quickly I feel better. That back-of-the-mind guilt that normally festers every time I doomscroll is gone. I don’t scroll first thing when I wake up or right before I go to sleep. So much mental space has been cleared by deleting Instagram, that it’s almost embarrassing to realize what a hold it must have had on me.
I don’t know how long I’ll stay off the app. There’s no deadline to this experiment. But I can say for certain that I’m not going back any time soon.
Self-Care Tip of the Week: Journal
Journaling truly is the gift that keeps on giving. It helps you when you’re in the act of writing, just to dump your worries and emotions onto the page and maybe tap into some creativity, and it helps you in the years to come, as you can look back on all that you’ve learned and how far you’ve come.
If you’ve read my previous newsletters, you know that my writing journey began because a Sunday School teacher gifted me a journal when I was nine years old. I have journaled regularly since then, for nearly twenty years!
The way I journal has changed over the years, and there’s no one “right” way to do it. So experiment, try different methods, and find what works best for you! I love the guided journal from Promptly Journals (not being paid to say this but I wish), but I also will buy blank journals for my day-to-day musings.
Especially now that I’m in the newborn trenches again for the first time in five years, I have loved pulling out my old journals from when I had my firstborn to compare and contrast the experiences. For example, apparently by one month old, my eldest daughter was sleeping through the night and I wrote that I gave her a bath every night as part of our bedtime routine! Ha! That version of Megan didn’t know how easy she had it…
Whether you write daily, weekly, or once a month, there are so many benefits to journaling. There are even apps you can get on your phone, and I have friends that just type in Word as their journaling. It all counts and it all helps!
That’s all for this week, friends! As always, thank you so much for being here. Your support, whether you share, comment, subscribe, or simply read, is so, so appreciated.
I will note that I turned on the option to be a paid subscriber on Substack. This is something I’ve thought about for awhile, and I’ve hesitated because I didn’t know if anyone would ever pay to read my work. But, I used to think that no one would read what I write, and now I’ve been blessed with over 200 subscribers across Substack and WordPress! So I’m trying to learn to not sell myself short.
Paid subscribers will receive access to exclusive articles about the more nitty gritty aspects of blended family life (i.e. how I handle my husband’s ex-wife) and parenting in general (i.e. my most controversial takes on surviving newborn trenches). I made the paid subscription amount as low as Substack would allow, so if you feel so inclined as to become a paid subscriber, just know that your money will go towards keeping this very busy, very tired mom of five afloat!
See you all next week! ❤
Step by Step Parenting 