Step by Step Parenting

The ability to be pregnant, create life, and bring children into this world is absolutely a gift. There is something so sacred and special about carrying your child. And then when you start to feel those little rolls and kicks? Magical.

But there are lots of things about pregnancy that are unglamorous, too. For me, pregnancy is especially hard. I get so sick that I can barely leave the bed until my pregnancy is halfway over, I struggle to eat food or even drink water, and often those cute, highly-anticipated baby kicks make me more nauseous. So does showering, drying my hair, brushing my teeth, and basically any other self-care task. While I’m grateful to have the ability to be pregnant, that gratitude co-exists with not recognizing who I see when I look in the mirror. Despite knowing that I’m literally making a human inside of my body, I struggle with all of the mental, emotional, and physical changes that come with pregnancy.

I get frustrated that I can no longer do a lot of what I could pre-pregnancy, whether that’s running, eating lettuce, or keeping up with my kids. I cringe at my own tears and mood swings, even though I know it’s from hormones. I start to feel guilty when I can no longer keep up with the housework, even when my husband is more than happy to help, because I just want to be able to function like I did before. And especially during this pregnancy, I am constantly disappointed in how hard it is for me to learn and remember information compared to when I wasn’t pregnant, something that made being a full-time law student 10x harder.

I let a lot of those feelings get to me during my first pregnancy. That, combined with already feeling insecure because I was so young, led to me feeling more inclined to hide and downplay my first pregnancy rather than embrace and celebrate it. I will always regret not indulging in things like a fun gender reveal or maternity photos. I hardly even have any photos from that first pregnancy. I knew that this time around, I wanted things to be different, especially if it ends up being my last pregnancy. This pregnancy, I wanted to really focus on accepting and celebrating my pregnancy and all my body can do, all while learning to love myself more.

I am definitely no expert, but here are things I did that I would recommend anyone do if you are trying to make an extra effort to practice self-love during pregnancy.

Celebrate with Loved Ones

The first time I got pregnant was definitely a unique situation. I had no other friends or even many family members my age who had babies, so I didn’t personally know many women that I could relate to. I also found out I was pregnant just months before COVID-19 became a full-blown pandemic in the United States, so I spent most of my pregnancy and postpartum period in isolation. All of this, combined with how sick I felt, led to me neglecting to celebrate my pregnancy in lots of ways. I am grateful for the few women who did make an effort to celebrate and motivate me, because without them, I’m sure I would have felt even more lonely!

This time, things couldn’t be more different. Although I didn’t do anything too crazy for a gender reveal because I’m the most impatient person alive and checked the blood test results immediately, I did do a little something with my family. I ordered cupcakes filled with pink icing, since we were having two girls, and we let our kids eat them one at a time to find out if they were gaining more sisters or brothers. It was so fun to watch the kids’ reactions, and sharing that funny video was the perfect way to announce the genders to all of our friends! We didn’t do anything crazy, but it was perfect for our family, and helped make a fun milestone last a little longer.

I had a baby shower during my first pregnancy, but it was mostly virtual due to COVID restrictions. This time, it was a more small, intimate gathering hosted by mom at her house (as opposed to some huge party at a rented venue — no shade, just not my style!). This was the perfect way to catch up with friends about how pregnancy was going, and a welcome break from law school.

Between parenting three older kids and being a full-time law student, this pregnancy has definitely flown by in ways the first one did not. Because of that, I’m so grateful for any time I was able to celebrate this pregnancy with loved ones! It was a great reminder of how many people love and support me and my family, and was always a good reminder that even though this journey is hard, I am never alone.

Document the Milestones

I mentioned this earlier, but it truly makes me so sad that I hardly have any photos from my first pregnancy. I felt silly using a tripod to take pictures of myself, and was often too embarrassed to ask anyone, even my then-husband, to take photos of me.

Although it feels like an eternity when you’re in it, pregnancy only lasts for less than a year. In the grand scheme of things, that is such a short amount of time! I couldn’t imagine it when I was in the trenches of my first pregnancy, but years later, I did miss it. I missed that period of my life and that part of my motherhood journey. I was so young, pregnant with my first child, and mostly oblivious to all of the highs and lows that laid ahead. There’s something special about that excitement and newness of expecting your first. If I had known how much I would one day miss it, I would have done a better job of documenting that whole journey.

Luckily that means this time around, I do know better! Especially because it’s twins, making this pregnancy extra unique, I knew from the start that I wanted to do a better job of documenting this whole journey. This meant snapping photos on my phone of all of the pregnancy tests I took, filming me surprising my husband with the good news, and taking regular-ish photos of my growing baby bump. This also meant enlisting the help of a professional photographer to make sure I had high-quality, timeless photos of this phase of life.

It’s easy to feel insecure in your ever-growing, ever-changing body, and I’d be lying if I said that I felt 100% beautiful and excited the morning of our maternity photoshoot. Instead, I was struggling to put on makeup for the first time in weeks, frustrated my hair wasn’t cooperating, and felt like my face was extra swollen thanks to pregnancy. But I knew that not only were those details small and able to be edited by a good photographer, I also knew that they weren’t important in the long run. For me, having maternity photos taken wasn’t about having a bunch of glamorous shots, but instead it was about documenting a very special, very fleeting time in both mine and my family’s lives. Moments are temporary and kids grow up, but thankfully, photographs last forever.

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Before this pregnancy, running was a huge part of my life, and honestly my identity. I loved training for races, pushing myself, setting new personal records, and taking care of my body. I also enjoyed swimming, walking, cycling, strength training, and hiking, but running was really my favorite form of exercise. On top of this, I loved learning how to eat healthier so that my body could be properly fueled for all of my adventures. Many of my jobs prior to law school revolved around running (I worked at a running shoe store and also as a physical therapy technician at a clinic that treated a lot of runners), my social circle was almost all runners, and I even met my husband because of running. So when first trimester hit and I couldn’t run because I was so sick… yeah, that was rough.

I know I mentioned above how pregnancy can be hard because your body changes and you start to not recognize yourself in the mirror. But before I started to not recognize myself in the mirror, I started to not recognize myself because of how my habits and priorities changed upon pregnancy. It was extremely hard to accept that even if I could get back into running during pregnancy, it just wouldn’t be the same, and that would have to be ok. I know plenty of people that run right through pregnancy, but not me.

Rather than beat myself up over this change, I tried my best this pregnancy to embrace it and show myself lots of grace. I traded long runs for long walks, and focused on forms of exercises that were more doable during pregnancy, such as hiking and yoga. Eventually, I was able to enjoy short runs again! I ran once or twice a week starting at 16 weeks pregnant until about 26 weeks pregnant, until I reached a point where it was just too much. The thing is, during my first pregnancy, I didn’t run, go for walks, or participate in any form of exercise. So I knew that even if I was just getting in intentional movement once a week during this pregnancy, that it would be a huge improvement!

As I’m writing this at 33 weeks pregnant, my pregnancy fitness journey has come to an end since I’ve been placed on a soft bedrest until delivery. Looking back on this twin pregnancy, I am proud of the effort I put into taking care of my physical health even when it was hard. Finding new ways to take care of my body this pregnancy helped me continue to love myself despite all of the changes, and taught me the important lesson of slowing down and resting when needed.

Take Care of Your Mental & Spiritual Health

Pregnancy brings lots of physical change, but it also brings lot of mental and emotional change, as well. This area of self-care during pregnancy is often overlooked, but I’ve found it essential if I’m trying to feel my best.

Every pregnancy is so different. During my first pregnancy, I was wrapping my mind around becoming a mom for the first time ever. As a nineteen/twenty year old college student, this meant a huge identity shift, and dare I say, crisis! My journal became my safe space. I wrote down everything. Every feeling, worry, hope, etc. is written down, and journaling was the number one thing that helped me navigate all of my emotions during pregnancy. I had heard how pregnancy hormones could affect your mental health, but actually experiencing it was something else. I was sometimes scared or embarrassed to admit how I was feeling out loud to friends and family, but getting my feelings off of my chest and onto the page still helped me sort through it all. Plus, looking back on those journals five years later served as a super helpful reminder of what pregnancy was like!

Pregnancy is also a time I feel a little closer to God and find myself seeking more spiritual support. This caught me very off guard during my first pregnancy, because at the time, I considered myself an atheist! But I still found myself finding comfort in the church hymns I learned as a child, old scripture verses I used to love in high school, and (lots and lots) of desperate prayers. I remember feeling a little weird that I was praying for the first time in a long time, but I brushed that feeling off because I felt better every time I did!

This pregnancy, I had even more spiritual resources to rely on to help bring me comfort and peace during a really tough time. Spending time in the scriptures, praying, and studying the gospel have all helped me to feel lifted and up and surrounded by love when I needed it most.

At the end of the day, I can’t change how my first pregnancy looked. I can’t go back in time and make more of an effort to love and celebrate myself during that first pregnancy. But I can choose to show up differently now. And in doing so, I’m learning to love myself, and pregnancy, a little more along the way.

All photos by Kaylea Hardman Photography