I was working on our wedding scrapbook the other day (yes I know it’s been eight months since we got married, leave me alone) when I came across a photo that I had somehow missed before. It warmed my heart immediately, and I couldn’t help but think how this photo represents what life has felt like ever since I found out that I was pregnant: my husband carrying me.
Although we knew early on in our relationship that we were open to having more kids, we had lots of reservations, too. My husband has two kids from his first marriage and I have one kid from my first marriage, and we also both experienced a pregnancy loss in our previous marriages. We love our kids more than anything in the world, but we’re not blind to the fact that growing a family — this includes everything from trying to conceive to pregnancy to postpartum and beyond — can place a strain on even the best of marriages. And when things don’t go as hoped, as with a pregnancy loss, that strain can be even greater. So my husband and I were stuck: we wanted to have our own children and experience what it was like to become parents together, but we were scared that certain aspects of the past would repeat themselves.
However, we have always loved parenting together. Ever since our kids met each other for the first time, it has been an absolute joy. That doesn’t mean there weren’t hard moments, but through it all, my husband and I cherished the highs and lows of parenting. We potty-trained our two youngest, have now gone through two kindergarten send-offs, have taken turns waking up in the night to console a crying child, and so much more. We parented a lot together from 2023 up until we officially became a family in April of 2025. By the time we were married, we knew that despite the challenges it would bring, there was just one phase of parenting we had missed but wanted to experience together: the newborn and baby phase.
Just two months after tying the knot, we found out we were expecting! We were both over the moon and cried when we found out. Both of us agree that neither of us have felt such excitement before, and it was truly an answer to our prayers.
I prepped Kevin that pregnancy is extremely hard for me, beyond what it is for most people. I showed him a journal I kept throughout my first pregnancy to back me up. I warned him that I would be extremely sick, barely be able to eat or function, and that if it was anything like my first pregnancy, I would become a shell of myself. My predictions weren’t wrong. In fact, with twins, many of my symptoms were worse. We had planned on a tough pregnancy, but the one thing I hadn’t anticipated was how supported and taken care of I would feel throughout it.
Kevin swore up and down before I was pregnant that he would take care of me, of the kids, of the house, of everything when I was pregnant. I had absolutely no reason to doubt this, because he already routinely went above and beyond while my law school was in session to keep everything afloat. I know lots of people complain of the mental load that mothers carry, and I’ve experienced that before, too. But that was never something I worried about with Kevin. We equally split household chores, we both knew how to cook meals and pack lunches for our kids, and we both handled school pick-ups and drop-offs. If a kid was sick or school was cancelled, Kevin would call out of work so I could go to school, not the other way around. I could go on and on, but the point is, I had no reason to believe that he would be any less helpful if I was pregnant.
But my first pregnancy is the only experience I’d ever had up until that point. I was very independent and managed a lot by myself, but not because my then-husband didn’t help enough. On the contrary, he worked 60-70 hours a week to provide for us, and would still frequently run to McDonald’s per my request when he would get home from work at midnight… just to come home and find me asleep. I just did a lot on my own because I insisted on it. I felt guilty accepting “too much” help and thought that’s just the way things were “supposed” to be. I worked full-time well into my third trimester, set up the crib myself, stocked the freezer with meals for postpartum, and made sure that everything was all ready for baby. So even though Kevin promised he would take care of everything this pregnancy, a part of me was still prepared for a repeat of the first time, just because I assumed that’s the way pregnancy went for most women.
Luckily, I was wrong! I just didn’t know how good it could be.
As promised, I really haven’t had to worry about chores or housework this pregnancy. Kevin isn’t a “just give me a list of what you need done” kind of man, he’s a “I made a list of everything that needs to be done and I’m going to do it” kind of man. For example, I have barely touched a dish since my first trimester, unless I really, really insisted on doing dishes. This also means that I’ve barely cooked since finding out I was pregnant. My husband has not only kept me and our kids fed, but he’s also mastered all of my favorite meals, learned to cook a bunch of my mom’s recipes that I love, and practiced all sorts of different cooking techniques to make sure our meals were cooked to perfection. When we eat dinner as a family, our kids say, “Thanks for dinner, Dad!” without even asking who made dinner, because they know.
My husband has also handled a bulk of the childcare for our three older kids, and I’m so glad that our kids have such an involved and competent dad to look up to. He really is the best dad. He juggles packing school lunches and snacks, drop-offs and pick-ups, bath times and bedtimes. I am as present as I can be, because I also love our kids and want to help and spend time with them, but my husband always reminds me that I can rest whenever I need to, and that he’s got it. My husband does all of these things not because I ask him to, but because he truly wants to take care of me, our growing babies, and our family.
But being a supportive partner is so much more than helping with dishes and laundry. Those things are a huge part of supporting a pregnant partner, but as the pregnancy progresses, mental and emotional support is just as important. For example, since I’m pregnant with twins, I am slowing down earlier in pregnancy than I would like. I am experiencing more intense pain like aching ribs or back pain compared to my other pregnancy, and overall just struggling to adjust to and accept a much larger bump than I’m used to. Through it all, my husband has reminded me of how hard my body is working, how special it is to be carrying twins, and how all of this is temporary. He has listened to me rant or cry about my changing body, and never fails to remind me that I am beautiful. He encourages me to do things like drink enough water, go for long walks, journal, pray, and anything else that will help my mental health. On top of this emotional support that he offers, Kevin always keeps up with how many weeks pregnant I am, knows what symptoms I am likely going to encounter on any given week before I tell him, and makes an effort to read all of my pregnancy and parenting books. I might be physically carrying our children, but in a way he is carrying me and our girls by how supportive and involved he is during this pregnancy.
Of course, sometimes the guilt creeps in. I feel like I’m not doing enough, and I begin to worry that maybe even other people looking at our situation might wonder, “Well, what does she do to help out?” I wrestle with feeling like I should be helping more, but also knowing I am far too tired, too sick, and in far too much pain to be of much help at this point. Besides, I am doing work: I’m growing not one, but TWO humans from scratch! The thing about marriage is it’s not 50/50 like the common saying goes. Sometimes marriage is 20/80, sometimes it’s 60/40, and sometimes, like during pregnancy, it might feel closer to 10/90. It’s true that my husband is doing a lot right now, but this doesn’t mean I’m completely off the hook. I support him by making sure he knows he’s appreciated, taking on any chores and tasks that I can handle, and prioritizing quality time together so neither of us feels like we’re running on empty.
At the end of the day, there’s no one I’d rather have by my side supporting me during pregnancy. Pregnancy is a particularly vulnerable and difficult nine months, and I am so grateful that we’ve been able to strengthen our relationship during this time. We have learned to trust each other more, show each other more grace, and appreciate each other in new ways. Although we were a little nervous to enter a new phase of parenting together, neither of us regret taking the chance, and we cannot wait for all that is to come!
Step by Step Parenting 