Reflections on My First Year of Law School

I started classes back in August 2024, I took my last exam on June 14th of this year, and we finally got our final grades this past week. With that, my first year of law school is officially done! It has been nearly ten months of constant work, chaos, stress, learning, and growth. And while I stand by my statement that it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through (yes, even harder than pregnancy and postpartum), it has been beyond worth it.

My academic journey has been a rocky one, to put it simply, and not for lack of trying. After everything I went through during my time obtaining my undergraduate degree — three pregnancies, two losses, giving birth, surviving postpartum, getting a divorce, and a global pandemic, to name a few — my confidence in my academic abilities was shaken. I entered law school hopeful, but nervous. I wasn’t worried about whether I was smart enough to pass my classes; instead, I was worried about whether I would be able to successfully balance motherhood and school, whether I would be able to find enough time in the day to study, and whether I was cut out for the field of law. Regardless of my worries, with three kids at home depending on me, I felt like I couldn’t afford to fail.

Many of my worries proved to be valid concerns. Especially during my first semester, I had a hard time knowing where to draw the line with studying. I carried a lot of guilt for the amount of time I spent away from my kids, especially while they were so young, and I felt guilty for how much work my absence put on my then-fiancé. We knew that me attending law school would be the equivalent of a full-time job for me (and then some), which meant that getting me through would be a family effort. Still, I felt bad. In an effort to be more present, I did a bulk of my studying after the kids went to bed up until midnight, which meant that I was studying when I was at my most tired. Then, I would wake up at 5:00am before the kids woke up to study more, which meant that I was running off of five hours of sleep at most. I didn’t spend anytime at school unless it was for class, because I didn’t want to spend any more time away from my family than I had to.

At some point during that first semester haze, I convinced myself that even though I was studying and stressing well past the point of exhaustion, that I was going to barely pass my classes, if at all. Because of the curve that all of our classes were subject to, a certain percentage of people were going to fail. For some reason, I thought that I was in danger of being cut. Maybe it was because I had spent the past several years of my academic journey just barely scraping by (even though those struggles were for non-academic reasons) or maybe it was because I felt a lot of imposter syndrome about being a first-generational law student who was also a mom, but either way, this fear and dread is what kept me going. When I looked around my classes, I would think to myself that many of my classmates deserved to be here and belonged, but that I didn’t, and so I would have to work harder. It wasn’t a healthy motivator, but it was certainly a motivator.

Winter break eventually rolled around, and with it came our final grades for all of our first semester classes. I had studied more than I ever had in my life leading up to those finals, and luckily, it paid off. To some, my grades would seem painfully average, but to me, they were a lot more than that. They were proof that I did not need to worry about flunking out of law school or being kicked out — I was nowhere near that. They were proof that some of the studying methods I was doing were working. And most importantly, they were proof that with enough hard work and dedication, I absolutely could “belong” in law school. I took some time over winter break to truly rest and take care of myself in ways that I hadn’t in months. I reassessed my priorities, and set new goals for the upcoming semesters. I tried as best I could to make up for missed time with my family. When it was time to return to classes in January, I felt ready.

The thing about law school, though, as with anything else, is life outside of school does not stop or slow down. During my first semester, I got engaged and had to navigate all of the challenges that came with trying to merge two families. I also had to adjust to spending a significant amount of time away from my daughter. Now for my next two semesters (which run from the beginning of January to the end of March, and from the beginning of April to the middle of June), I knew I would have to juggle wedding planning, parenting, moving, and school. Always one to be moving the finish line, now that most of my previous fears surrounding law school were alleviated, I was worried that all of these new life changes would negatively impact my grades.

Although I did better than I expected during the fall semester, in light of everything new added to my plate for the subsequent two semesters, I decided to slightly change my approach to studying. It came at the cost of time with my family, but I spent more time in the library than ever before. My new goal was to get to school as early as possible so I could read before class, study through most of my lunch breaks, and then stay in the library as late as I could before I had to go home. There were a handful of other students who sat near me in the library who had the same approach to studying, and we motivated each other to keep going. Between spending more time in the library and an unhealthy amount of caffeine, I felt more confident in my academic abilities than I had in the fall.

But improved studying habits alone do not cure anxiety or imposter syndrome. I was keenly aware that while I was spending as much time as I could studying, that I was not spending as much time studying as some of my classmates were. I got married, went on my honeymoon, moved in with my husband before we moved again across town, adopted a puppy, and so much more. During weeks where life was busy, stress about school still haunted me. It’s hard to believe that nearly my whole extended family flew out for the wedding and it feels like I barely saw them, because I spent that weekend buried in research for an assignment due the day of my wedding. Knowing that I was “behind” some of my classmates made me more apprehensive about going after certain goals, such as trying to get on law review or try out for the moot court team. Because I felt distracted, and because of my extremely mediocre grades, I felt like I was already too many steps behind to try.

Thankfully, I had good friends who saw my potential even when I didn’t. I am so glad they pushed me to go after things I had convinced myself I wasn’t qualified for or didn’t deserve. I ended up being accepted onto a law journal, and I had a surprising amount of fun trying out for moot court (I found out a month after this post was originally published that I made it!). My grades got better and better each semester. I earned my first two A’s in the last semester of the year, which is an extra huge accomplishment considering it was my busiest semester. Numbers and grades do not define anyone, but as someone who had a 2.9 cumulative GPA by the end of undergrad, getting an A in any class is a big deal for me. By time I reached the end of my first year of law school, I was exhausted, but proud. At the beginning of the year, I felt like I had no business even attending grad school, but by the end, I felt like I had earned my spot. If I had to sum up the biggest lesson I learned during the year into one sentence, it would be this:

If you have dreams or goals, go after them, and if you’re scared, then be scared, but do it anyways.

Nothing good comes easy– I knew that before I started law school. Success requires hard work and dedication, not just luck or chance. Because of that, I don’t mind how stressful law school proved to be, or how much of a toll it took on my mental health, or much time it took away from me that could’ve been spent with my family. I don’t mind all of that, because I never forget my “why.” I had a specific vision when I started in August of what I wanted my future to look like post-law school, and that’s what kept me going on the hardest days. I dream of a life where I don’t have to meticulously plan out my grocery trips ahead of time to save as much money as possible. I dream of a life where I can buy new toys and clothes for my kids without a second thought. I dream of a life where I am no longer living paycheck to paycheck, because for years, that’s all I’ve known.

I drank more of this than water during finals season

I truly feel like I am on huge step closer to achieving those dreams. I can now say, “I graduate law school next December,” which is still crazy to me. There is still so much work to be done before I can be a practicing attorney, but the light at the end of the tunnel is so much brighter now than it was in August, and for that, I am beyond thankful.

I am thankful for my family, who supported me and cheered me on from the sidelines. I am thankful for my husband, who navigated this journey with me. We had to completely reevaluate our roles in our marriage and in our family, and overhaul lots of our systems in place that we were used to, all while healing from our previous marriages. It was hard, but it was worth it. I am thankful for my kids, who are my biggest motivation and the reason why I do what I do. I am thankful for every single friend I made while in law school, each of who played a unique role in helping me make it to the end of the year. I am grateful for amazing professors, faculty, and staff, because passionate educators make all the difference.

And lastly, I am thankful for and proud of myself. There have been so many times since my high school graduation where it would have been easier to give up. But every time I chose to keep pushing and keep trying strengthened my resolve, and shaped me into the capable and resilient person that I am today. I wouldn’t be here, at the end of my first year of law school, if it wasn’t for all of those past versions of me who refused to give up. To them, I wish I could say: we did it!