Step by Step Parenting

It’s been over two months since we got married, and although I’ve been asked, “So how’s married life?!” more times than I can count, unfortunately my answer was never too exciting.

I woke up at 5am the day before our wedding to finish a research project that was due on the big day, and after our Sunday wedding, I still went to class on Monday. Before I knew it, it was finals season all over again, and I was nearly spending more time in the library than in my own home. When people asked how married life was, I answered bluntly that it was no different than before. Getting married in the middle of a semester of law school meant that I was so busy, I barely noticed I was married!

But now that we’re back from our honeymoon, the school year is over, we finished our move across town, and we’ve had a moment to breathe… I’ve finally had time to digest and reflect on what was one of the best days of my life. There’s so so much I could write about when it comes to the wedding, but today I wanted to focus on the unique experience of getting married as a blended family.

Before the Wedding

Kevin and I got engaged in September 2024, and originally we said we didn’t want to get married until 2026 at the earliest. I was only a few weeks into school when we got engaged, so it was hard to imagine what getting married and moving during the school year would look like. We did know that we wanted to get married in April, however, since that is the month we started dating in back in 2023.

The next few months after getting engaged were chaotic to say the least. School proved to be much harder on me than I thought it would (which meant it was hard on Kevin and our kids), Kevin and I briefly called off our engagement, I eventually adjusted to school, Kevin got baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and lots more. Through all of life’s ups and downs, Kevin and I learned first-hand that we really are better together and can grow through anything. Being engaged was a new life phase, just like any other life phase such as dating or married, and we figured it out. It doesn’t help that when you are getting married a second time, you yourself often have extra fears and reservations about getting married, and unfortunately there can be people in your life who are unsupportive, as well. No matter what I do or how great I am, to some people I will always just be “Kevin’s second wife.” It shouldn’t be this way, and Kevin and I have done our best to distance ourselves from people like that, but at the end of the day, some people are set on picking sides even when there aren’t any.

Eventually, we decided to get married sooner rather than later. Once you know, you know, so why wait? After talking with my family and trying to find a date where most of my family could come, we decided to get married on April 13th, 2025. We had already dated for about a year and a half when we got engaged, and then we were engaged for seven months before getting married. This timeline felt very reasonable to Kevin and I, but of course, some people felt otherwise. Some even flat out asked us why we moved our wedding date up, and I began to get the feeling that people thought I was pregnant.

However, growing up, it was very common for me to see couples go from their first date to a wedding date in a year or less. Most of my family and family friends got married relatively quickly once they met their significant other, and most of them were fairly young, as well. I didn’t know that some couples dated for years and years before even getting engaged until I was in middle school or high school. The lens with which I look at marriage through has always been affected by growing up in the Mormon church. So when Kevin and I announced to my family that we had moved our wedding date up to April 2025, no one in my family batted an eye. In fact, they were excited, they congratulated us, and they booked plane tickets to come celebrate our special day with us!

Most importantly, Kevin and I’s kids were so, so excited! After getting divorced, I wasn’t sure if I would ever get married again, much less to someone with kids. I truly had no idea what the future had in store. But a few months after Kevin and I started dating, we decided to take all of the kids to a local children’s museum, and that day we just… knew. Watching those kids run around and play, we knew that they were meant to meet each other and be in each other’s lives. Suddenly, Kevin and I were aware that our relationship was about more than just us, but would always include and impact the kids. Their bond has strengthened over the years, and Kevin and I have always been conscious of the fact that one day, they won’t remember not being siblings. So we were very excited to tell them that we were getting married, and we would officially be a family!

The Big Day

Since we moved up our wedding date somewhat last minute (about two months ahead of time) and since Kevin and I were set on getting married in a library that could only seat fifty people, we decided to keep our guest list small and intimate. This turned out to be perfect, because on the day of, we were able to talk to everybody, thank them all for coming, and really soak up the day. It was mostly my family, some of Kevin’s family, and a few of our closest friends. A family friend who is like a second dad to me officiated the ceremony, our kids were the flower girls and ring bearer, and my grandpa made our ring box. Our cake was designed with our new blended family in mind. All in all, the whole day was carefully and intentionally planned, which just made Kevin and I and the kids feel all the more loved.

People warned us beforehand that the day, once here, would fly by, and they weren’t wrong. It still feels like I blinked, and the day was over! Thankfully, our photographer was amazing, and we have been able to relive the day through photos over and over. These photos will be extra special as time goes on, because with the exception of our oldest, the kids likely won’t remember much from the day.

One of the most memorable parts of the day was the ceremony itself. As mentioned above, Kevin and I got married in library. We stumbled upon this venue during wedding planning and knew immediately that it was the one. Both of us are avid readers, something we bonded over before we even started dating, so getting married in a library just made sense. Not only did Kevin and I walk down the aisle, but our two girls got to walk down as flower girls, and Kevin’s son got to be our ring bearer. This truly made the day feel like it was about us becoming a family as well as Kevin and I becoming husband and wife. The kids had so much fun picking out their outfits and practicing beforehand, and were adorable and did so good on the actual wedding day!

After the ceremony, everybody headed outside for the reception. Weather was on our side that day, and luckily it was a beautiful spring day. My mom and her twin had scattered framed photos of Kevin and I, as well as us and the kids, all over the venue, so guests were able to peruse those and enjoy some appetizers while Kevin and I had our photos taken. It was so nice to have a private moment to celebrate after the ceremony, and to catch our breathe before celebrating the rest of the night! Once we were done the photographer, Kevin and I had our grand entrance into the reception, did our first dance, and the true party began! The kids had been talking about cake and dancing for months, so although they did great during the ceremony, we knew what they were most excited for!

It went by too quickly, but our wedding day was perfect. For us, the day was about more than just Kevin and I getting married; it was about us becoming a family, starting a new chapter in our lives, and committing to working on our marriage and family for forever. Before meeting Kevin, I was worried that getting married a second time would be scary. It was hard to wrap my mind around how I could ever trust someone enough again to marry them if the fear of divorce was always in the back of my mind. But when you’re with the right person, it just feels right. I am so grateful that Kevin and I found each other, and that we love and trust each other in a way I’ve never known before. I am so grateful for all our friends and family who were just as excited about our new chapter in life as we were. And more than anything, I am so grateful that we were all able to come together and celebrate the beginning of the rest of our lives!

After the Wedding

Although the wedding marked the start of both our marriage and of us becoming a blended family, that day is only a part of the journey rather than the final destination. I think a part of me thought that once we were married, our family would feel more “official,” and some of the imposter syndrome would go away. I thought that once Kevin’s kids were legally my stepchildren and my daughter was legally his stepchild, that it would feel less weird to say things like, “our kids,” “our daughters,” or even, “I have three kids.” I wanted to be able to say things like that without needing a disclaimer.

It can be exhausting to have to always clarify, “We have three kids, BUT…” or “I’m a mom of three, BUT…” because the truth is, no one should feel like the have to add a disclaimer or prove themselves every time they talk about their family. I’m not walking around claiming I birthed all three of the kids, or that Kevin and I have never been married before, or that their other biological parents aren’t in the picture. But the truth of the matter is that Kevin and I parent all three of our kids just as much as their respective biological parents do. We are their parents, whether their biological or bonus parent, and no one’s opinion or feelings changes that.

So yes, Kevin and I and all three kids became a family the day we got married, but the wedding itself didn’t change anything– the love we all have for each other was already there.