On January 11th, I turned 25 years old! I’m just now getting to the point where my age seems to match up with how I feel. When I was in middle school and high school, people commented on how mature I was for my age or how I seemed older than I was. As a fourteen or fifteen year old, this was the best compliment! Once I started college, I generally felt the age that I was, but as soon as I had my own kid, that all changed. By the time I turned 23, I had been through one failed engagement, gotten married, become a mother, gone through a divorce, transferred schools, and almost dropped out of school altogether. I. Was. Tired. On top of that, it was pretty lonely. I don’t know many mothers my age that have been through similar things. So yes, there’s been times these past several years where I’ve felt much older than I should for someone in their early twenties.
But now, at 25, I’m just barely starting to feel my age again. These past several years have been hard, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I love my life exactly the way it is right now, and I’ve learned so many valuable life lessons that I couldn’t have learned any other way. It’s impossible to sum up everything I’ve learned in the past quarter of a century, but in honor of my birthday, here are some of my favorites:
1. Sometimes, you just have to jump in and figure out the rest later
To this day, I will swear up and down that my earliest memory is at my great-grandmother’s pool. I vividly remember sitting on the steps, looking out at the water and seeing one of my parents swimming, and thinking, “I can do that, I want to be there,” and just… leaning forward.
Now, I did almost drown, and my parents had to save me. But as a one year old, you don’t think of consequences, you just make up your mind and do. At some point in our lives, we start overthinking our decisions, and become self-conscious and full of self-doubt. Some of this is healthy and safe; had my parents not been there, I would have drowned. But in a much broader sense, sometimes as adults, you just need to act first and figure out the details later.
2. Wear whatever you want because nobody cares
As kids, we didn’t give a crap about what our outfits looked like, we dressed up because it was fun! When you’re a kid and within the walls of your own home, no costume is too silly or outlandish, but the older you get, the more you start to care about what everyone else is wearing. That’s boring. Channel your inner four year old and just wear whatever you want.
3. While we’re on the topic, nobody cares about you
I know this seems harsh; I thought so too when my mom told me this. But while you’re wasting time stressing about your eyebrows or your shoes or your Instagram or that stupid thing you said at a party eight days ago, everyone else is busy… worrying about themselves. Nobody is wasting any time caring about your flaws, and you shouldn’t either. As a freshman in high school, hearing my mom tell me this ruffled my feathers (“What do you mean no one cares about me, Mom? I’m a teenager and the world revolves around me!”) but the older I get, the more I appreciate this simple truth.
4. How people treat you is often a reflection on them, not you
If you haven’t read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, then you need to do that ASAP. He says it much better than I can, but the idea is that if someone is rude to you, or judges you, or hates you, that says a lot more about them than it does about you. Someone that is truly at peace with themselves and self aware will not waste their time judging others. None of us are fit to judge anyone. Bullying and judgment is rooted in insecurity and fear, so if you find yourself on the receiving end of it, don’t stress. Maybe some self reflection is warranted, but… just read the book, okay?
5. The ability to get an education is a privilege; don’t take it for granted
I feel like this one doesn’t need a ton of explaining. Especially in this technological age, we literally have a world of information at our fingertips, every second of every day. So use it! Whether you want to go to grad school or write a book or learn how to make your grandma’s sugar cookie recipe or learn how to edit cool videos, never stop learning.
6. Writing is both a tool and a gift, so write as often as you can
My ability to write, and write well, is probably my most useful talent that I possess. It has allowed me to write poems to express my feelings, stories for fun, essays for school, letters to loved ones, grocery lists, blog posts, Instagram captions, journal entries, college application essays- the list is endless. Being a good writer is a skill that can take you far, and I promise that even if you don’t think you’re a good writer, it just takes practice. So practice!
7. If the plane is nosediving, take a breath and redirect it
My family moved around a lot when I was a kid; I was born in Chicago, moved to North Carolina in the middle of my kindergarten year, relocated temporarily to New Jersey for third and fourth grade, and then returned to North Carolina when I was in fifth grade. It was a lot. At some point, I became an anxious and stressed little person. I had lots of big feelings and didn’t always know how to handle them. I vividly remember being in the kitchen in our rental house in New Jersey, just sobbing to the point of hyperventilating. My dad came to me and got on my level, and held out his hand.
“Sometimes, one little bad thing will happen to you, and your plane starts to go like this,” he said, angling his hand toward the floor. “You let more and more things upset you, and your plane just keeps nosediving.” His little hand-airplane moved toward an imaginary crash landing but stopped just in time. “You just need to take a pause, breathe,” he said calmly, “and try to bring the plane back up, even just a little!”
This image has stuck with me forever. Even as adults, sometimes we let the smallest of things derail our mood, or even our whole day. But despite that, we have the power to redirect our mood and make the most of whatever life throws at us.
8. Growing up isn’t as fun as you think it will be when you’re nine years old
Why did I want to rush growing up so bad? When I was nine, I hated sleeping, thought sitting at family dinners was boring, and as kids do, my siblings and I fought all the time. At twenty-five, I want nothing more than to sleep for three days straight, have another dinner with my family, and if I start thinking about how me and my siblings will never live together in a house with just my parents ever again, I start to cry.
9. The world is huge and you are very, very small
There’s nothing like moving across a whole continent and ocean to make this painfully apparent. People have asked why I chose BYU Hawaii over BYU’s main campus in Utah, when I was accepted into both, and the answer is simple: I wanted to move as far away as possible! Not out of malice, but just out of a desire to see as much of the world as possible. Because at the end of the day, we are so small compared to everything else. Our problems, our struggles, our childhoods, they’re all teeny tiny compared to the vastness of the world, and I think it’s important to see and experience as much of it as we can.
10. Mistakes are a part of life
When you’re eight years old, your mistakes don’t seem that serious in the grand scheme of things, but at least in my experience, the older you get, the scarier mistakes are. They impact more of your life, are more visible to those around you, and in some cases, cause more damage than the mistakes you made as a child.
I feel like this is a lesson most people learn while in college, because making mistakes is a completely natural part of growing up. For a lot of us, college was our first time living on our own and having more control over our lives. It’s totally ok to make mistakes, as it’s a normal part of life. Own up to them, apologize when needed, and learn from them.
In Conclusion
It’s hard to believe that 25 years have already gone by in a flash. I feel like I’ve grown and changed so much in the past few years alone, much less the past quarter of a century. There have been highs, and there have been lows, but everything always works out in the end. If my first 25 years on this planet were this great, I can’t wait to see what the next 25 bring!
Step by Step Parenting 