Step by Step Parenting

On September 22nd, 2024, my best friend and the love of my life got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. The moment was perfect, and it was one of the happiest of my life.

There’s so much I could write about me and Kevin. I could write about how we met, our love story, what dating after divorce is like, how navigating co-parenting and blended family life can put a strain on a relationship, what it’s like to seriously consider marriage after divorce, and so much more. All of (or at least some of) those stories will come in time.

But for this post, I just want to focus on the engagement itself- what happened in the days leading up to it, what the moment was like, how Kevin popped the question, and all of the fun details that go along with that.

The Days Before

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to organize and plan every aspect of every day. Some people might call it bossy or controlling… but I prefer the term efficient. I’m juggling lots of things simultaneously, all the time; from law school, to parenting, to commuting, to exercising, I try and plan my schedule accordingly to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. Now, the color-coded Google calendar has some built-in leniency. A close reading will reveal that during any given week, I have hours set aside that are labelled things like, “rot,” “forget what planet I’m on,” “scroll Instagram,” or just “chill.” I’ll frequently tell Kevin, “I set aside 8:00pm to 10:00pm for us to hang on Wednesday night if you want to plan something,” or “I’m free Sunday morning until 12:45pm” so that he still has plenty of opportunities to choose what we do for dates.

But all of that being said, my schedule makes it very difficult for me to truly ever be “surprised.”

So when Kevin mentioned off-hand one day over the summer that he would propose when the right moment came around, I thought, “Oh, well if he’s waiting for the right moment, I can give that to him on a silver platter!” and I booked a Caribbean cruise for my upcoming spring break.

I thought I was oh-so clever. We began planning, and talking about how excited we were, and how romantic it was going to be, and how we will have earned a break by then. I assumed he was picking up what I was putting down. But what I should have known is that (1) Kevin isn’t dumb, (2) Kevin knows me better than I know myself, and (3) Kevin’s stubbornness can rival mine. If he says that it’s going to be a surprise, it’s going to be a surprise.

Months go by, and I’m secretly counting down the days to spring break, sure that I was going to come home engaged. Any time I tried to pry it out of Kevin what his plans were, he refused to give me anything more than vague hints towards nothing happening until 2025.

School started September 3rd, and almost immediately, law school consumed my life. All of my plans as to how I thought I was going to balance parenting, my health, Kevin’s work schedule, and studying proved to be much more difficult to put into practice than it was to put into my calendar.

The week leading up to our engagement was no exception. By Saturday, I was burnt out, and despite having hours of studying on my calendar, I decided that I wanted to go to bed early, instead. I had told Kevin that I wanted to go hiking at Stone Mountain the next day, but that could wait. Going to bed early, and then having a chill day at home the next day sounded like a great plan. I cleaned up the apartment a bit, took a shower, and crawled into bed just before 9:00pm. Kevin was still at work — since he works closing shift, he’s not usually home until after 11:00pm — but I deleted “hiking” from my Google calendar, scheduled studying in its place, and turned out the lights.

The Day Of

The next morning when Kevin got back from his morning long run, I told him that I had decided to skip hiking and stay home to study instead. I explained that even though I was caught up on every assignment that had a due date, I still wanted to study more, and that after a stressful week, the thought of spending hours away from home didn’t seem as fun as it did a few days ago. Kevin is also usually as worn out as I am, since he is essentially a single dad the days we have the kids, so I assumed he would be thrilled by this decision.

“Well if you’re stressed, maybe the time outside would be good for you,” he said, “especially because I know how much you miss hiking.”

I was surprised. Normally if I said, “Hey, let’s stay home all day and not leave the house,” Kevin enthusiastically agrees, and jumps at the opportunity to stay in sweats all day. So of course, I was instantly suspicious.

“Why do you want to go hiking? Are you… planning something?” I asked, my hopes already sky high.

After shrugging and saying, “I don’t know… maybe…” he just rolled his eyes and reminded me of our conversation only a few days prior. We had been discussing finances and trying to decide when to merge bank accounts, and Kevin hinted that I could expect to be engaged sometime in early 2025. Until then, however, the focus was school. Although I knew he had bought the ring, Kevin and I had already decided several months ago that waiting until a break in my schooling would be the ideal timing.

So with that, I finished getting ready, and then we were off. During the hour we drove to the park, and the two mile hike up to the summit, I teased Kevin relentlessly, laughing the whole time.

“I can’t believe you had me thinking for a second that you were going to propose today!”

“Isn’t it crazy that I actually almost fell for it? I should’ve known better, we’ve already said it wouldn’t be until next year!”

“That was a dirty trick you played, letting me think for a split second that today was the day.”

Kevin just laughed along with me, but little did I know that the ring box was in his pocket the whole time.

When we got to the top, Kevin made a comment that it was more crowded than he thought it would be, and led me over to a quieter area. This wasn’t out of the norm, because at this particular summit, we had our own little spot off to the side that we always went to, every time. We walked over to our spot, sat down, and pulled out our snacks.

When we had finished snacking and were ready to head back down the trail, Kevin asked if I wanted a picture of just me. Again, this didn’t strike me as anything out of the norm. Anyone who has ever been hiking with me knows that I like a picture of me walking away from the camera, towards to scenery. I have versions of this picture taken at Grandfather Mountain State Park, Hanging Rock State Park, the mountains in Hawaii, and countless other places.

So I handed him my phone, and started to walk away so he could get the perfect shot. I could hear him following me, but figured it was just so he could get better lighting. And then he said, “Alright, now stop. Turn around.” I still figured this was just for the photo, figuring maybe he wanted to get one of me looking at the camera, too.

But when I turned around, Kevin was down on one knee.

Kevin likes to include that at this point, I just started saying, “No!” over and over again, and while this is technically true, it came from a place of both shock and excitement. Somehow, despite being so close to guessing correctly, I missed all of the signs and didn’t see it coming at all! Eventually, I (obviously) said yes.

The Days Since

My best friend Sara planned an engagement party for Kevin and I a few weeks later, and me and my girlfriends began to send each other pins from Pinterest back and forth, all about wedding dresses and bridal party ideas and venues. Kevin and I finalized a date and scheduled some venue tours, and we had so much fun telling the kids, and they were SO excited.

Eventually, it was back to regularly scheduled programming. Law school quickly consumed me again, and Kevin and I once more became ships passing in the night. On the days we had the kids, he would leave for work before five in the morning, and I would get all three kids ready by myself and take them to school before driving myself to school. Kevin would then get off work in time to pick all three kids up from school, and I would get home right around dinner time. This meant that Kevin was essentially in charge of dinner every night. Once I got home, it was a race until the kids’ bedtimes to do homework with the kids, cook and clean up dinner, pack lunches and snacks, do laundry, do bath time with the kids, and all of the other parenting tasks that have to be done every day. Once they were in bed, I would sit at my desk and do homework for three or four hours while Kevin went to bed early because of his 4:30am alarm. The next day, it would start all over again. On the days we didn’t have the kids, although Kevin wouldn’t work until later, I still had school in the morning while he worked until eleven o’clock at night.

Long story short: we rarely saw each other and were running ourselves ragged. We were dealing with challenges that many couples don’t face until a decade into marriage, starting with three kids aged 7, 4, and 3 from the moment we got engaged. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, as finding the right way to blend two families seamlessly is no small task. There was even a brief time this fall when we weren’t sure we could make it work.

But at the end of the day, Kevin and I are best friends, and our love for each other outweighs any complexities life throws our way. We’re far from perfect, and we’ve both made our fair share of mistakes, but we never stop trying. The longer we’re together, the more the advice to ‘marry your best friend’ makes sense.

There’s so much more I could say about the unique experience of dating post-divorce with kids involved. We’ve come a long way since we met over two years ago– but that’s a story for another day!

And now, a moment for the ring, because Kevin picked this out all by himself!